


Some People Have Real Problems

by onebigscribble



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marauders' Era, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:49:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4255248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onebigscribble/pseuds/onebigscribble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black is rich, going into his last year of school, and has a great group of friends. What is there to worry about? Other than today being the day Sirius plans to tell best mate and fellow marauder Remus Lupin that he loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Little Black Sandals

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Harry Potter, nor do I own any of the lyrics or song titles belonging to the artist Sia from her album 'Some People Have Real Problems'.
> 
> This is my first attempt at slash guys so be gentle with me!

**'So I shout**   
**I wanna get away from you**   
**As fast as I can**   
**I tell my feet to move it**   
**I hope they have a plan'**

Sirius was yawning when the realisation hit him. He was free. He hadn't really considered the implications of leaving home; he'd been too busy at the Potters'. But suddenly, in the back of Mr Potter's car, the knowledge that he was free from the tyrannical rule of Orion Black was finally sinking in.

The car rattled as Mr Potter drove over a speed bump and Sirius listened to James' sonorous snores cutting across the sound of the radio. He leaned his head against the window and stared at the tarmac as the car raced towards Kings Cross Station. Muggles really did have some ingenious inventions! When he first stayed at the Potters' house, Sirius had been completely baffled that a pureblood wizard like Mr Potter would  _choose_  to travel the muggle way. But Mr Potter had jovially explained that: _"wizard travel just doesn't have the same adrenaline rush!"_  Sirius supposed that James got his thrill-seeking behaviour from Mr Potters' side.

Thinking of James, Sirius' mind turned to his other best friend Remus. Sirius sighed. Remus had been on his mind a lot this summer and Sirius hadn't been thinking about him in a strictly  _friendly_  capacity. Generally speaking, one doesn't dream about snogging their best friend senseless. This attraction to Remus had started in their fifth year and at the time Sirius had been so horrified at the idea he might be gay, he went and lost his virginity to the first girl he saw.

That had not gone well at all. Francesca Willoughby was a muggleborn friend of Lily Evans' and also happened to be the most horrendous gossip. The information had filtered down to Regulus, who had written to their parents and the result was that Sirius spent the summer locked in his room as punishment for fraternising with a mudblood. But now, Sirius was the heir to his Uncle Alphard's fortune and emancipated from his vile family. Sirius, eldest son of the most ancient and noble house of Black, was now free to be as gay as he damn well liked.

Sirius shivered as an image of his father crept into his head. Despite the man having no more control over him, his father's giant figure still seemed to loom over Sirius every time he thought about Remus. He supposed it had to do with the circumstances in which he had run away from his parents' house.

" _You_ will _meet with her!" Walburga Black screeched._

" _Mother, I don't want an arranged marriage!" Sirius huffed, folding his arms over his Gryffindor t-shirt._

" _Don't call me that, you ungrateful brat! You are no son of mine!"_

" _I wish," He muttered, not in the least bit shocked as the palm of his mother's hand whipped across his cheek._

" _A disgrace! Filthy blood traitor! Orion come and discipline this brat!" Walburga shrieked before storming off to coo over Regulus who sat in the dining room eating his breakfast._

_Sirius hunched his shoulders, trying to making himself as small as possible in front of his father. Orion Black was a tall imposing figure, all broad shoulders and strong arms. Sirius cringed as he felt a large hand fall heavily on his shoulder and steer him painfully into the kitchen. He stared at his father's shining black shoes rather than look up at the man._

" _The house of Black has arranged their children's marriages for centuries, why would this change because of a snot-nosed little blood traitor?" Hissed Orion._

_Sirius shrugged his shoulders._

" _Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His father snapped._

_Sirius swallowed and looked up at the taller man and into his eyes that smouldered dangerously like burning coals._

" _While you are under my roof, my word is law."_

" _Then I'll leave!" Sirius replied venomously._

_His mother's stinging slap felt like a tickle in comparison to the heavy blow Orion administered to the side of Sirius' head. The kitchen floor seemed to blur and wobble as his eyes tried to right themselves. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't put the imperious curse on you and marry you to a damn woman right now?" Orion spat._

_Maybe it was the blow to the head or maybe he'd just had enough, but Sirius opened his mouth and gave one incredibly good reason._

" _Because I'm fucking GAY!" Sirius roared, shoving his father in the chest and storming out of the kitchen. The silence in the house was very short-lived and was broken by the angry shouts of his parents as he made a dash for the front door._

Sirius had walked for a few miles in no particular direction, simply letting his feet take him away from the hell-hole he had called his home for the past 16 years. He had started to believe that perhaps his feet had more sense than his brain did. Lily was always screeching at him and James that they thought with their trousers, but Sirius thought that he was more likely to think with his feet. They had saved him from a life of being clubbed repeatedly around the head for being a Gryffindor, or most likely meeting a rather convenient 'accidental' death after revealing his sexuality to his parents.

All he knew was that he was unbelievably relieved to have finally broken away from his family. But it was still difficult to shrug off a childhood's worth of hero-worshipping Orion Black. In a strange way he almost missed him... he shook his head, he was being ridiculous; there was no way he could miss that bully.

Sirius ran a hand through his glossy black hair that fell to half-way down his neck. Well he was rich, going into his last year of school, and had a great group of friends. What was there to worry about? Other than today being the day he would confess his love to Remus.

Shit, shit, shit... this was going to go horribly wrong, he just knew it. Maybe he wasn't gay, maybe it was just a phase or something. Sirius thought of girls in bikinis posing provocatively and wondered why breasts were meant to be so attractive. Then he thought of the disgusting virginity-losing experience. Nope, he was definitely gay.

Today was the day.

Sirius would tell Remus on the Hogwarts' express when Peter went to raid the food trolley and James to go to his Head Boy meeting. He literally could not stand to watch Remus undress for bed in the dorms one more time without exploding and screaming his feelings at him. It had to be today.

Finally, Sirius was free to pursue who he wanted without fearing his parents' wrath. The only issue left was whether Remus would want him back.

Sirius' stomach clenched unpleasantly as Mr Potter pulled into the car park outside Kings' Cross Station. This was it and he had no idea what he was going to say to Remus. Sirius smiled wryly to himself; maybe his feet would have an idea.

**'So now I'm free**   
**Free**   
**From the big bad giant**   
**Who was stalking me**   
**Thank you feet, for guiding me**   
**I'm glad somehow I got brains down there, at least'**


	2. Lentil

**_'All I have are pictures and stitches and riches_ **   
**_But money could never buy what you give_ **   
**_Though my heart is achin' and breakin' I'm takin'_ **   
**_Most of what you send my way'_ **

Platform 9 ¾ was a hive of tearful mothers and excited students rushing to get the best seats on the train. Sirius stood and took a deep breath before James barrelled into his back. "Mate! Don't stand in front of the entrance!" James exclaimed, scanning the platform and ruffling his unruly black hair.

"I was looking for the others," Sirius explained as they moved into the crowd to wait for Mr and Mrs Potter.

"They'll probably already be on the train," James said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"You haven't seen Evans anywhere have you?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's been six years Prongs! How many more times do you need to hear 'piss off Potter' before you realize that there are plenty of other fit birds that are panting over you rather than plotting your murder?"

"Nah," James replied, letting his hand drop from his hair to straighten his Head Boy badge. "This is the year she'll say yes, I know it!"

"That's the spirit, son!" Mr Potter said, clapping James on the back.

"Don't encourage him Charlus," Mrs Potter said. "Now you boys be good this year. James you're Head Boy, that's a lot of responsibility –"

"Yeah… think of all the things we'll be able to get away with!" James interjected, grinning at Sirius. Sirius grinned back, imagining the pranks they could pull.

Mr Potter emitted a snort of laughter that was followed by Mrs Potter slapping him on the arm. "Honestly, you boys…" Mrs Potter sighed.

"I'll keep them in check Mrs Potter," said a rather familiar voice.

"Oh Remus, how lovely to see you! I'm sure you'll do your best," Mrs Potter replied, enveloping the third boy in a hug.

Sirius felt a shiver go down his back as soon as he heard Remus speak. His voice was always slightly hoarse but it sent shockwaves of desire through Sirius. He could just imagine what it would be like to have Remus calling out his name as he writhed underneath…

A hand waved in front of his face. "No greeting for your best mate, Pads?"

Sirius blinked and stared at Remus for a second before his bemused expression split into a grin. He clapped a hand on Remus' shoulder affectionately. "Good summer?" He asked.

Remus shrugged. "Alright. Pretty uneventful. It's good to see you again, Sirius," Remus said, his mouth curving into a shy smile.

"You too," Sirius replied.

"Gay…" James' voice interrupted. Remus turned around and hit James round the back of the head with the book his was holding.

"This coming from the guy who spends half an hour arranging his hair in the morning," Sirius said, smirking at James.

"I don't! It looks like this when I get up!" James exclaimed indignantly, tousling his hair.

The whistle sounded.

"Oh! Hurry up boys, you don't want to miss the train!" Mrs Potter exclaimed, pulling James into a tight hug. Mr Potter shook Sirius' hand warmly.

"Thank you for having me Mr Potter," Sirius said.

"Not at all, anytime Sirius," He replied.

"Oh don't be ridiculous, Sirius!" Mrs Potter said, engulfing Sirius in her motherly embrace. "Now, don't you thank us," She murmured into his ear. "You're a second son to us and you're welcome any time you like!" Sirius blushed as she released him.

The second whistle blew and Sirius, James and Remus began rushing towards the train. "Be good!" He heard Mrs Potter shout as they piled into one of the carriages just before the train began to pull away from the platform.

o0o

The first half an hour of the journey was fairly normal. Peter was chewing toffee and listening excitedly to James' dramatic narration of his summer, Remus was reading a book, and Sirius was staring at Remus. Well, not staring... more slyly observing out the corner of his eye. Yes, that sounded much less creepy.

Suddenly, Remus looked up from his book, evidently disturbed by the sound of Peter choking. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and pretended to stretch and yawn.  _Smooth_... he thought to himself, trying desperately not to blush. Sirius Black did not blush. Ever. He watched indolently as James began enthusiastically beating Peter on the back, finally dislodging the offending piece of toffee and sending it flying onto Remus' lap.

"Lovely," Remus muttered while brushing the mangled sweet off his lap.

"Merlin, Wormtail! Every fucking year without fail!" James exclaimed with a grin.

"I like toffee," the smaller pudgy boy shrugged.

"Yes, well, I like Bertie Bott's Every Flavoured Beans but you don't see me stuffing so many in my mouth at once that I choke and then launch the saliva-drenched wad at a fellow marauder," Sirius said, raising an eyebrow and giving Peter a cocky grin.

"Actually Padfoot," Remus interrupted, folding his reading glasses away into a pocket. "I'd like to remind you of that time in third year when Prongs dared you to eat a whole packet in one go. If I remember correctly you discovered that a mix of spinach, jelly, earwax, and assorted fruits  _do_  in fact cause you to launch half-eaten food across the room."

"That was classic!" James said, howling with laughter.

"I'd find it a lot more funny if it hadn't hit me in the eye," Peter said wistfully, putting another toffee in his mouth.

Sirius smiled to himself as he watched his three friends banter with each other. Usually, he'd be right in there at the centre of attention but the whole Remus 'situation' had robbed him of his enthusiasm. He almost jumped out of his seat with nerves when he heard the food trolley go past. "Brilliant!" Peter exclaimed. "I just ran out of toffees. You guys want anything? No need to give me money, if I follow the trolley lady down to the end she gives me loads of the leftovers free!" Peter said, squeaking with glee and scurrying away before waiting for a reply.

Sirius watched Peter go, amused that after six years with the most pathetically predictable Gryffindor, Peter's greediness still astounded him. "Right then lads, I'm going to my Head Boy meeting. And more importantly am about to score with Evans!" James said, ruffling Remus' hair and clapping Sirius on the back. He opened the compartment door and swaggered away.

Remus brushed his tousled hair out of his amber eyes and frowned. "Lily is going to skin him alive, isn't she?" He asked mildly.

"Highly probable," Sirius replied. He was suddenly very aware that they were alone and sitting beside each other. Occasionally the sway of the train would bump their legs or shoulders together. "Uhh..." Sirius said. "There's something I want to talk to you about, Moony," Sirius continued.

Remus leapt up from the seat and regarded Sirius warily. "What have you done now? Is it something I need to worry about? Please, please tell me you haven't somehow managed to stuff a load of Billywigs into Snape's luggage again?" Sirius sniggered at the memory. "Merlin! The last time was bad enough. Do you know how long it took me to explain to McGonagall and Slughorn why their most promising potions student was giggling madly and levitating around the Great Hall? And –"

"Moony!" Sirius stood up, interrupting Remus. "Firstly, it's not my fault that Snivellus decided to open a bag at dinner – I didn't know they'd sting him then. Secondly, it's nothing like that!" Sirius stood a few inches from Remus as his words sunk into the taller boy's head.

"Oh," Remus finally said. "What is it, then?"

Sirius took a huge breath, it was now or never...

"I love you!" Sirius blurted, holding his breath.

"Oh well, I love you too Padfoot," Remus said and lightly punched him on the arm.

"No! I  _love_  you..." Sirius said.

"No you don't," Remus replied, with a short sniff as he crossed his arms.

"Yes I do,"

"No you don't,"

"Yes I fucking do!"

"No y–" Irritation and suppressed desire finally got the better of him and before he could stop himself Sirius had pressed his lips against Remus'.

For a moment Remus didn't respond at all. Sirius just kept his lips there, revelling in how the softness of Remus' lips was occasionally punctuated with the slightly raised flesh of a scar. And then the most glorious thing happened: Remus leant into the kiss and brought his hands up to Sirius' neck.

Sirius moved his hands to Remus' hips and deepened the kiss. Merlin, the way Remus was moving his mouth against his own was torturously arousing. Sirius ran his tongue against Remus' lower lip and was instantly granted entrance. Remus tasted like chocolate and the soft wet heat of his mouth was only intensified as he began exploring Sirius' own mouth. Sirius was starting to feel lightheaded but he couldn't stop. How could he stop when Remus was kissing him back so thoroughly? He felt Remus' teeth nipping at his lower lip and he couldn't help letting a moan escape from his mouth.

Suddenly Remus froze and pushed him away roughly. Sirius took a step towards Remus, who was standing motionless while his eyes darted wildly anywhere but at Sirius. He reached out to put a hand on Remus' arm.

"Get the fuck away from me!" Remus growled and roughly shrugged away from Sirius' touch.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked, baffled at Remus' sudden change in mood.

"What's wrong? What do you  _think_  is wrong? Fuck, Sirius. What the hell were you doing? Are you gay or something?" Remus said, throwing his hands up in the air and backing away further.

"Yeah... I thought you..."

"What? Thought I liked it? It's sick Sirius! Not natural. Have you been wanting to fuck me all this time?" Remus exclaimed.

Sirius felt like pieces of him were crumbling away into nothing. He'd hoped so much that they could start a relationship when he felt Remus kiss back. But...Merlin, he  _did_ kiss back! Why was he acting like this?

"Well, is that it Sirius? Have you only been hanging around with me so you can get into my fucking trousers?" Remus growled.

"No! I just... I love you," Sirius muttered.

"And that is just perfectly normal. Wonderful. Bloody wonderful. You know what, Sirius? I am so hurt right now. I feel  _betrayed_! I can't believe you would deceive me for so long! Fuck! Just stay away from me, okay?" Remus turned away and began grabbing his things.

Sirius felt a lump in his throat but even more powerful than that was the sense of anger at Remus' hypocrisy. "Fuck you, Moony! You can say what you want but I know you kissed back. I felt you," Remus froze in the door way. "I can still taste you in my mouth. Look at my lips! They're red from where you kissed and bit them! I know you enjoyed it!"

Thwack. Sirius saw a white hot pain behind his eyes as he collapsed onto the carriage seat. He lifted his hand to his face and felt the already swelling eye. "You – you punched me!" Sirius practically whispered in disbelief.

"I'm not gay. Don't ever say that I am again and don't you dare touch me. We'll pretend this never fucking happened." Remus hissed.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you down..." Sirius called quietly at Remus as he stormed out of the carriage.

Sirius tried to squash down the tears that threatened to spring to his eyes. His heart was splitting in half and there was a palpable pain twisting in his chest. Remus had kissed back. He knew he had. It wasn't fair. Sirius leant his head against the train window and let a silent tear slip from his eye.

_**'So I never meant to let you down** _   
_**Awake with a stake in my eye** _   
_**I never meant to let you down** _   
_**I'm trying not to fall apart.'** _


	3. Day Too Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of smut in this one... and a little bit of angst.

_**'Honey I will stitch you** _   
_**Darling I will fit you in my heart** _   
_**Honey I will meet you** _   
_**Darling I will keep you in my heart'** _

o0o

Sirius' breath misted against the cold metal a few inches from his face. His joints were starting to ache but the spell stopped him from moving. Light filtered through the metal grill and cast little pools of light on his cheeks and forehead. The castle was quiet; nearly everyone else had left for the Christmas holidays. In fact, if Remus didn't come back from the library and check the map soon, Sirius would probably still be here when the students came back next month.

Over the last hour, Sirius had developed an increasingly irritating itch on his nose. If he could just move and scratch it... Sirius let out a frustrated growl. Then again if he could move he would be able to get out of this fucking  _suit of armour_! Snape was going to pay for this. What had Sirius done to deserve being put in a full body bind in one of Hogwarts' many suits of armour? Yes, Sirius may have irritated the greasy git by charming the Slytherin's hair into pigtails at the end of term feast. But that was no reason for such malice!

Snivellus had just overtaken Evans and become top of Sirius' shit list, and that was saying something.

Lily fucking perfect Evans, with her stupid monopoly on Prongs' time and her gingerness. Sirius had spent the last week plotting ways to get back at her. So far shaving off her hair was an option, as was turning her into a man when she was in bed with James. Sirius was also considering transfiguring her into a walrus in front of everyone in the common room. Yeah, a great big nosey ginger walrus.

It wasn't that Sirius couldn't entertain himself. He wasn't really jealous either. The thing that had really pissed him off was Evans' perceptiveness.  _"It's alright Sirius, he'll come round eventually!"_  She had said in her irritatingly well-spoken voice when she caught him staring wistfully at Remus. Stupid cow didn't know anything about his problems. It was her face as well, she looked so fucking amused! As if it was some cosmic joke that the 'infamous' flirt and ladies' man Sirius Black was in fact a poof and in love with his werewolf best friend.

Actually, thinking about it Sirius could see the humour in the situation. But that wasn't the point! The point was that he wasn't jealous of Lily and her relationship and her perfect life and her perceptiveness. He certainly wasn't jealous that she'd managed to divert James' attention from pranks and Quidditch and things Sirius enjoyed. Well, he might've been a bit jealous. But worst of all, now Sirius was alone. Wormtail went wherever Prongs did, and Prongs was following Evans.

Now Sirius was left sitting in awkward silences with Moony, the unrequited love of his fucking life. If Remus hadn't kissed him back on the Hogwarts' Express, Sirius might've been able to shut it out of his head and move on. But every time he saw Remus' teeth chewing his lip while he read, all Sirius could remember was the way those teeth felt as they nipped and tugged at his own lips. And every time he saw those amber eyes, he could feel the flutter of Remus' long eyelashes on his cheek. The image of Remus and their brief but passionate kiss had been forever stitched into his heart.

Sirius let out a growl of frustration. His heart started thudding as light poured into the helmet. "Mr Black! What a curious place to relax!" Professor Dumbledore said, as Sirius' eyes readjusted to the light. "I was just on my way to see if the kitchens had any more sherbet lemons when this suit of armour emitted the most peculiar noise. How on earth did you get inside the armour?"

Sirius pleaded with his eyes.

"Alas, not how you would spend your Christmas eve, I presume?" Dumbledore said after a hum of understanding. "Well I should be on my way now, do have a good night Mr Black."

Sirius let out a slightly panicked noise at the headmaster's retreating back.

"Oh I do apologise!" Dumbledore exclaimed, sounding not in the least bit sorry.

With a wave of the headmaster's wand, Sirius flopped to the floor with a resounding clang. His muscles hurt so much.

"Padfoot?" Sirius looked up to see Remus standing in front of him with a large pile of books. "What, pray tell, are you doing in a suit of armour?" He asked, putting his books on the floor.

"Snivellus put me in here in revenge for the pigtails," Sirius explained, as he started disentangling himself from the armour.

"Understandable," Remus replied shrugging and helping to pull a gauntlet off Sirius' hand.

"Well, I feel the punishment does not fit the crime. So I'm going to slip some gold flakes from the potions supply cupboard into Snivelly's Christmas dinner and then set a niffler on him."

Sirius stood up and stretched, watching as Remus tried very hard not to laugh. "It'll be class, Moony!" Sirius exclaimed with a grin.

"No it won't," Remus replied with a wry smile, as they began to walk slowly back to the common room. "It'll be an utter disaster. What do you think Prongs will say when he turns up at the beginning of term to find that in retaliation for a particularly friendly niffler, his best mate is just a skeleton clattering around in a suit of armour?"

"I don't care," Sirius sniffed.

"Oh don't tell me you're still pissed off that he's spending the holiday with Lily and her family," Remus said. Sirius could hear the smile in his voice.

"He abandoned me at Hogwarts! Alone!" Sirius wailed in mock-distress.

"You're not alone you stupid mutt," Remus replied, playfully bumping his shoulder against Sirius'.

"No?" Sirius asked tentatively.

"No. So we're two young, legal, wizards with a common room to ourselves, what shall we do tonight?"

Sirius tried very hard not to think about things they could do. He wasn't really trying hard enough, that idea with the chocolate was rather intriguing...

"Get your mind out the gutter!" Remus exclaimed, laughing.

"Can't help it mate," Sirius replied with a grin. "Animal magnetism," Sirius let out a long, loud howl.

Remus hit him lightly with a book. "You're such a twat, Padfoot! I was, in fact, thinking that as I had a rather large stash of firewhiskey we could make a dent in that?" Remus suggested. Was that shyness in his large amber eyes? Anticipation fluttered in Sirius' stomach. Did this mean that Remus wasn't angry at him anymore? Could it possibly mean that he still had a chance with Remus?

Sirius squashed down his racing thoughts and casually winked at two giggling girls walking down the hallway. "Why the fuck not, it's Christmas Eve!"

o0o

Sirius dropped the empty bottle of firewhiskey on the floor and leant his head back against the bed post. "I'm pissed," He slurred, feeling the room start spinning around him when he closed his eyes.

"Lightweight...I drank two bottles myself..." Remus replied, as he swayed slightly.

"That's 'cause you're a werewolf, Moony."

"Oh yeah..." Remus said with a giggle.

As far as Sirius could tell, the evening had gone pretty well. There had been no awkward silences and Remus hadn't had a fit when their fingers accidentally brushed when passing bottles. He hadn't even mentioned the kiss!

"Padfoot?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you love me?" Sirius froze. He knew things had been going too well.

"I, uh, already told you. On the train?" Sirius replied weakly.

"Say it again," Remus breathed. Was he moving closer?

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Because... because I liked it," Remus replied. Sirius admired the pretty pink flush that was spreading over Remus' cheeks and the bridge of his nose. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, Sirius was sure Remus could hear it.

"Okay. I love you," Sirius said.

"Why?" Remus asked after a minute.

"Uh... because I just do..." Sirius mumbled, pretty sure he was blushing as well.

"But why? How can you love me?" Remus said, staring down at his hands.

Sirius felt a familiar irritation at Remus' self-loathing but he was also sad that such a beautiful, wonderful person as Remus couldn't see how brilliant they were. Sirius took a deep breath and tilted Remus' chin up with a finger, to meet his eyes. "How could I not love you Moony? You're intelligent, caring, outrageously funny, you always have time for people, and you're just an amazing friend," Sirius said. Nerves fluttered in his stomach. "Not to mention you're fucking hot," Sirius added.

Remus seemed frozen, the only movement Sirius could see was the rising and falling of his chest. He bloody hoped that Remus didn't hit him in the face again. He flinched slightly as Remus lifted a hand to touch the side of his face. "I'm sorry I hit you Padfoot," Remus whispered, running his fingers lightly over the spot.

"S'okay," Sirius managed to croak out.

"No it's not. I was scared... not of you but of the way you make me feel..."

"What are you saying?" Sirius breathed, his throat tightening and pulse fluttering.

"That," Remus moved closer. "I enjoyed," Remus' touch became surer. "Kissing you," Remus' face was moving closer to his own.

And then, Remus was kissing him.

Their breath mingled in a drunken battle of teeth and tongue. Remus pushed Sirius onto his back and closed the distance between their bodies. He could barely breathe as Remus began leaving open mouthed kisses down the sensitive skin of his neck. Sirius tangled his hands into Remus' shaggy hair and tugged lightly, eliciting an appreciative growl from him.

"Oh fuck," He groaned as Remus popped the first buttons on his shirt and nibbled on his collarbone.

Sirius reached up and tugged Remus' t-shirt off as his own shirt was pushed away. The heat from Remus' chest was unbelievable and the sensation of their skin touching was better than he had ever imagined it. Their lips crashed together once more in a desperate kiss and it was as though they were trying to express the last few months of tension in one act. "Bed," Sirius muttered and they both scrambled to his bed without hesitation.

Sirius allowed Remus to be in control of the situation again, he wanted to makes sure that he felt like he could stop at anytime. Although, that didn't seem to be an issue. Remus was currently nibbling on his nipple and working his way down towards –  _Oh Merlin_! Remus' fingers were opening the button of Sirius' jeans. "Need to feel you against me," Remus grunted while shoving Sirius' jeans down his legs. Sirius reached up and undid Remus' trousers with shaking hands.

As Remus kicked off his trousers, Sirius observed his muscular but scarred body and wondered if he was going to wake up in a minute. Remus' eyes were glued to the tenting at the front of Sirius' boxers. Actually, Sirius was having a problem tearing his eyes away from the rather large bulge straining against Remus' underwear. His pulse quickened and he couldn't help the slight flex of his hips in anticipation.

Leaning up, Sirius claimed Remus' lips again and brought the taller boy to lie on top of him again. They both groaned as Remus ground his erection against Sirius'. "Need more," Remus rasped and tugged Sirius' boxers down before doing the same to his own. Kneeling over him like that, Remus was the most erotic thing Sirius had ever seen.

Nothing could have prepared him for the mind-blowing sensation when Remus rubbed himself against him. They moved against each other with increasing urgency. "I've wanted to do this to you for weeks," Remus moaned into his ear.

"Remus... fuck..." Sirius whimpered as he approached his climax. He felt Remus tense and then the colours exploded behind Sirius' eyes. He vaguely heard himself calling out before he fell into the wonderful sensations.

Remus rolled off Sirius and climbed under the covers. Sirius still couldn't quite bring himself to move, scared that if he did then it might turn out to all be a dream. "Get under the covers, Padfoot," Remus mumbled drunkenly.

"M'kay," Sirius replied, sliding under the covers and curling himself around Remus. He heard Remus cast a quick cleaning spell on them both and turn the lights out.

Sirius smiled contentedly as he listened to Remus' rhythmic snores and began to drift off to sleep.

o0o

_**'I've been running all my life** _   
_**I ran away, I ran away from good** _   
_**Yeah I've been waiting all my life** _   
_**You're not a day, you're not a day too soon'** _


	4. You Have Been Loved

o0o

_**'You dropped the bomb** _   
_**And now you're gone** _   
_**I held you dear** _   
_**You swallowed my fears** _   
_**And now I've drunk my last beer with you'** _

o0o

Sirius felt like someone was wringing out his brain. The light seemed too bright even with his eyes closed. Sirius rolled over and spread out across his bed, groaning groggily. Something niggled at the back of his mind but it was swiftly pushed out by the pounding headache that suddenly stormed in like a troupe of angry giants.

Rubbing his hands across his face, Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed and attempted to fight the wave of nausea. What time was it, anyway? He grappled around his bedside cabinet until he found his watch.  _Bloody hell_... it was already midmorning.

Sirius jumped out of bed as a terrible thought occurred to him: what if there wasn't any breakfast left? He staggered away from the four poster bed and began to look around for his jeans. Where were his jeans? Eventually he found them hanging off a bed post; he must have been more wasted than he thought.

Staggering from the dorm with his shirt half buttoned, Sirius had neglected to see the little note tacked to his bedpost.

o0o

"Moony!" Sirius exclaimed as he flopped down onto the Gryffindor house bench in the Great Hall. "Do they have any bacon left?" He asked piling sausage and eggs onto his plate.

Remus pointed silently to the plate of crispy bacon.

"Mmm, crispy – just the way I like it! And mushrooms! I'll have to give my compliments to the house elves!" Sirius said through a mouth crammed with bacon and egg.

Despite his apparent focus on the food Sirius was carefully watching Remus as he read the  _Daily Prophet_  and pushed his hash browns around absently. Remus' honey eyes were unfocused as they stared at the newspaper page and his shaggy sandy hair flicked up slightly around his ears. He was, in Sirius' opinion, the most beautiful sight.

 _But he doesn't want me._  Sirius thought sullenly as he popped a piece of mushroom in his mouth.

 _If he didn't want you then why did you get off with each other last night?_ Another part of his mind thought; actually it sounded particularly like Evans.

Sirius began choking on the mouthful of mushroom. He spent the night with Remus? Images of Remus' deep amber eyes hovering inches from his face and the way those eyes desired his touch came crashing into his mind. He was vaguely aware of Remus smacking him on the back and eventually he felt the mushroom dislodge and plop into his stomach.

"Thanks," Sirius croaked out.

"Umm – no worries?" Remus replied, sitting down stiffly.

"About last night..." Sirius began.

"Not here!" Remus hissed. "Later... meet me at the tree by the lake at 4pm."

Sirius watched as Remus stalked away. He glanced down to find an owl pecking at his hand and waiting for a small package to be untied. Feeding the owl a bit of sausage he unwrapped the little present. He'd almost forgotten that it was Christmas Day.

A dead mouse fell out of the wrapping and onto his plate. Sirius picked up the card:

_Merry Christmas,_

_Orion and Walburga Black._

o0o

Frosty grass crunched under Sirius' shoes as he padded down to meet Remus. The day's clear sky was darkening under the threat of another winter's evening. He could make out Remus' tall figure standing by the lake in a thick black coat and scarf, his hands tucked into his pockets and hair blowing off his face.

"Sooo... what's the problem Moony?" Sirius called.

"We – uh – need to talk..." Remus muttered. The frosty grass creaked under Remus' feet as he shifted from foot to foot.

"Oh, Merlin," Sirius said looking at the book in Remus' hand. "Don't tell me you dragged me out here to lecture me about NEWTs?"

Remus glanced down at the book. "No, this was just some light reading while I was waiting for you."

"Then what do you want to talk about?" Sirius asked, leaning his head on Remus' shoulder.

"THIS!" Remus exclaimed, staggering away from Sirius.

"What?" He asked. "I'm confused," He admitted.

"How can you be confused? I left you a note!" Remus said, throwing his hands up in the air.

"You did? What did it say?" Sirius asked.

"Um... maybe you should just read it," Remus said.

"No!" Sirius exclaimed. "You need to grow a set of bollocks and tell me what you actually want from me! Because I'm getting fucking mixed signals here,  _lover_!" Sirius sneered.

Remus pushed him angrily and started to walk away, before turning back.

"You know what? Last night I was wasted and you were wasted and we made a mistake," Remus said, turning back with a dangerous glint in his amber eyes.

"A mistake?" Sirius asked, bracing himself against Remus' words.

"Yeah. I'm not gay, I told you."

Sirius raised his eyebrow at Remus.

"And even if I did have feelings for you, I wouldn't be able to act on them!" Remus started storming away.

Sirius lunged forward and grasped Remus' shoulder. "Why the fuck not? You weren't complaining last night!" He almost shouted.

"Because I cannot deal with it, okay? Have you ever considered that maybe the full moon is more than just a chance for us to get up to more mischief?"

"Are you accusing me of not taking your condition seriously?" Sirius asked, anger flaring in his chest.

"No! Yes! I don't know..." Remus was breathing heavily and let his head drop into his hands. "Padfoot... if we were in a hypothetical situation where I had feelings for you, how could I allow myself to?"

Sirius stared blankly at his friend.

"I'm a fucking werewolf, you stupid mongrel! If I was a gay as well, I may as well put an advertisement out in the  _Daily Prophet_ for my own lynching!" Remus cried.

"Moony, I love –"

"Just piss off. We were drunk. It was a mistake. I don't want to hear anything about your sexuality or your feelings towards me ever again, okay?" Remus said in a strained voice.

Sirius slumped back against the tree trunk behind him and watched as Remus turned on his heel and started to walk away. "I won't leave you alone Remus Lupin! And I won't believe you think it was a mistake!" Sirius shouted at Remus' retreating form. He felt like curling up on himself in the frost and waiting to die.

But then Remus would be winning. And Sirius Black did not roll over and let someone else win. Never.

"Damn you! Fucking turn around!" He screamed at Remus.

Remus paused just before the steps to the castle.

"Stop it! Just stop making out that no one cares!" Sirius shouted. "You are loved, in so many ways!" He croaked, loudly enough that he knew Remus could hear. "I love  _you_. And if you won't accept my love, then just fucking believe me..." A sob threatened to emerge in Sirius' voice. "Just believe me when I say that you will be loved, you will be loved by someone good – by someone you want too."

Remus began walking back towards the castle without a word.

Sirius felt so fucking angry. His anger felt like ripping a piece of material with his bare hands. The sound of stitches and seams falling to pieces, the tension in his muscles.

Sirius' drew his fist back and punched the tree trunk with all his strength and a resounding crunch of broken bones.

o0o

The common room was a hub of noise. Sirius was squashed in between James and Peter, nursing his bandages hand, as the four Marauders sat on a sofa waiting for the new term's announcements. McGonagall was making some pretty speech about bravery and how much they would need that quality once they got out into the real world. Peter was squirming next to him, James was making eyes at Evans, and Remus was reading his book next to James.

"I would now like to invite Head Girl, Lily Evans, to speak," McGonagall said to a common room's worth of lukewarm applause.

"I'd like to start by saying, welcome back," Lily said. She was standing in her perfectly arranged uniform, looking pleased with herself. She loved to be thought of as important, as so highly regarded. It irked Sirius that she thought she knew so much. Well, she had been wrong about him and Remus, hadn't she?

Sirius glanced at James who had his eyes locked on Lily, before he stealthily aimed his wand and the redheaded witch. " _Fio Odobenus_ ," Sirius muttered.

The common room exploded into laughter.

In the place of the head girl sat a large walrus with an impressive coating of downy ginger hair, pulling a rather bemused expression. "That's for giving me hope," Sirius said under his breath as his eyes locked onto the confused aquatic mammal.

Sirius stood up and began to push his way through to the stairs to the boys' dorms. He turned back for a second and watched Remus' eyes flicker to and from his book with a little smile. Yeah, werewolf or not, Remus Lupin would always be loved by someone, even if he didn't return the feeling.

o0o

_**'Oh you, you will be loved by someone good** _   
_**And you, you have been loved by somebody good,** _   
_**You have been loved.'** _


	5. The Girl You Lost to Cocaine

_**'I've stuck around, through thick and through thin** _   
_**You cannot deny, I've always been in** _   
_**But I've watched you stand, still as a snowman** _   
_**But I don't see you change, you're always at meltdown'** _

o0o

_A few months later..._

o0o

Sirius rolled the piece of parchment between his fingers into a thin straw and moved his face closer to the counter in the boy's toilets. With deft fingers he adjusted the white powder into a neat line before inserting the straw into his nose and snorting hard. It felt like pieces of glass flying up his nose and into his brain, lodging there and spinning his world up and up and away.

The world seemed to come into sharp focus, all bright colours and sharp angles. Everything was beautiful.

Sirius straightened up and leant on the counter with his hands on either side of the basin, staring at himself in the smudged mirror. He had lost weight recently and his cheekbones were more defined than before. His hair was still its glossy self but there were dark circles under his eyes. Sirius pursed his lips as he scrutinised the stranger in the mirror. The reflection looked like him but there was an unfocused, vacant look in his eyes and the vitality that usually lit his skin had dulled.

Checking his watch, Sirius turned away from the mirror and concentrated on the rush of chemicals in his bloodstream. He swayed on the spot, staring vaguely towards the doorway. He had to be careful when he took drugs, it was a fine line between euphoria and falling into a deep, dark rabbit hole of depression.

The trick was to not think about anything important. If he threw himself into pleasure then nothing haunted his mind until the quiet hours of the morning when he came down from his highs. James had Lily, Remus had his books, Peter had... well actually Sirius couldn't give two shits what Peter had at the moment. But they all had their little worlds, their little pleasures. Sirius had his own pleasure and it was fucking good.

Yeah, he might not be doing so well academically but who gave a crap about NEWTs when the whole world was going to Hell? They were probably all going to be dead in a few years, what with Voldemort using unforgivable curses willy-nilly. So he might as well enjoy life while he could.

And Remus could go fuck himself. Sirius giggled to himself. Actually he'd rather fuck Remus but that wasn't going to happen... Remus wouldn't even speak to him properly...

No! He wasn't going to think about that stuff!

Sirius shook his head lightly and brushed his hair out of his face. Anyway, if he didn't get a move on he'd miss his little rendezvous with the Ravenclaw prefect who supplied him with drugs. Sirius had the sense that the Ravenclaw lad was desperate for payment a little more interesting than money from him. And after all the guy was good looking, who was Sirius to turn down such an offer?

o0o

Sirius' head was filled with flashing lights and confusion as he sat on a couch in the Gryffindor common room with his eyes shut. He was having problems remembering whether he'd slept with Greg Harving from Slytherin last or whether it was Mary Fairhead from Hufflepuff. Bollocks.

Ah well, it didn't matter much. Whether it involved a guy or a girl, Sirius still shut his eyes tight and imagined a particular someone. A particular someone with sandy hair and the most gorgeous, mischievous smile...

"Sirius," Someone interrupted his thoughts. "Sirius!"

"What?" Sirius asked irritably, opening his eyes and glaring at James.

"Mate, it's like midnight! Everyone else has gone up to bed."

Sirius glanced around at the empty common room and frowned, he could have sworn it was only just after dinner. "Already?" He replied, shrugging his robe on and starting to stand up.

"Oh no!" James said and pushed him back down. "You're my best mate Padfoot, but this is a fucking intervention," He continued, sitting down to observe Sirius sternly whilst leaning his chin on his clasped hands.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "An intervention?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," James replied, folding his arms.

"Uh... why?" Sirius asked.

"Fucking hell, Padfoot. We've both got top grades since first year! Yet somehow, you've suddenly started getting the same grades as Wormtail! Not to mention Lily has had to comfort at least 3 different broken-hearted Gryffindor girls in the last two weeks. You're sleeping around, skipping classes, your grades are slipping and you're taking drugs!"

"I'm not!"

"Don't you dare deny it! Frank Longbottom saw you taking some fucking  _cocaine_  in the boys' loo the other day. What the hell do you think you're doing, Padfoot?"

"Hey, Prongs, we're all going to get fucked by Voldemort when we leave Hogwarts, so why shouldn't I have a good time while I can?"

James looked like his eyes were going to fall out of his head. "Why?" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "Because if you carry on like this you're going to end up dead in a gutter rather at the end of a death eater's curse, you mangy flea-infested mongrel!"

"Merlin! No need to get bitchy!" Sirius replied while frowning.

"Bitchy? Padfoot, I care and Remus cares. And if Wormtail could pull his face out of the mashed potatoes they served for dinner he'd probably care too!"

"R-Remus cares?" Sirius asked tentatively.

Sirius' mind whirled under the information that Remus still cared. He was worried about the drugs? Merlin, Sirius couldn't be happier that Remus had noticed.

"For Merlin's sake, why are you smiling?" James shouted.

"Keep it down!" Sirius hissed.

" _Muffliatto,_ " James muttered. "Happy?"

"Not really," Sirius replied with a shrug.

"Well you looked pretty damn happy when I mentioned how worried we all are. Is that what this is about, Padfoot? You want more attention?"

"No!"

"Then what?" James shouted, gripping Sirius' shoulders and sending a silent plea with his wide and searching eyes.

Sirius tried and failed to hide the crack in his voice. "Nothing," He croaked.

"Bullshit,"

"I can't tell you, Prongs!"

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't fucking understand, okay? You have your perfect relationship with a  _girl_ , how could the perfect Potter boy understand?"

"You don't want a girlfriend?"

"No! I fucking don't! I want the opposite! Merlin!" Sirius cried, trying desperately to hold back his tears.

James relented his grip and sat on the floor. "What are you saying?"

"I – I'm trying to say... Oh shit... Forget it..."

"Sirius, please?" James pleaded. As their eyes connected Sirius was suddenly assaulted with all the hurt he had cause his best friend.

"I'm gay," He whispered.

"I'm going to hit you," James said.

"See! This is why I didn't say anything!" Sirius exclaimed, recoiling from the taller boy.

"You idiot! This is what you've been hiding for months? Merlin's sweaty balls, Sirius, I've known since fifth year!" James exclaimed before collapsing into laughter.

Sirius didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"You have?" He asked.

"Yeah! Evans – sorry, Lily – pointed it out first. You are such a tit Padfoot!" James exclaimed, still laughing as he sat in the sofa and ruffled Sirius' hair.

"You knew?"

"Yeah,"

"Fucking hell..." Sirius breathed. "You're okay with it?"

"I don't give a shit if you're bent, Padfoot, as long as you're healthy and happy. So ditch the drugs, yeah?"

James patted his arm.

"It still doesn't solve the problem," Sirius replied.

"What problem?" James asked.

"I... like someone. A lot."

"Remus?"

"Are you taking fucking divination?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Nope. I saw you staring at his arse the other day!" James replied, laughing.

"He doesn't like me back."

"Yes, he does. He'll come around, mate. It took Evans six years but we're together now, yeah?"

"Yeah but that's Evans," Sirius replied with a sniff.

"Actually, I've told Lily you need her to tutor you to pass the exams,"

"WHAT?!"

"She said yes – Oh hey Remus!"

Sirius swivelled around. "Moony!" He exclaimed.

"Hey guys," Remus replied. "Come up to bed you two – I'm not dragging your arses down to breakfast in the morning. Especially not yours Pads, we have McGonagall first thing and I am not covering for your canine backside again!" Remus exclaimed jovially, ruffling Sirius' hair.

"He'll be up in a minute Moony," James replied. "No more funny business, eh, Pads?"

"Yeah... no more..." Sirius replied, pushing himself up from the sofa.

Remus was talking to him again? Fucking hell, that indecisive arse was more contrary than the most hormonal girl. Things seemed to be getting back to normal... now the only things he had to worry about were ditching the drugs and even more difficult: surviving tutoring with Evans.

o0o

Sirius rolled his eyes and tapped the end of his pen on the potions textbook in front of him. Evans just would not stop droning on. At least he'd finished being in withdrawal from the drugs. It was not worth getting into that shit considering how painful quitting was!

And on the bright side, Remus had gone back to how they were before he'd confessed his love. Things were definitely looking up. They were looking up even more since Sirius had caught Remus staring at his crotch during breakfast.

Sirius took the pink bubble-gum out of his mouth and began stealthily moving his hand to entangle it in Evans' hair. Ha, she was going to have a nasty surprise in the morning. Sirius stifled a laugh as he lightly caught a strand of ginger hair.

" _Waddiwasi!"_ Evans muttered.

The gum flew out of his fingers and up his nose, lodging painfully near the sinus.

"The next time you try and prank me, the punishment will be much less forgiving," Evans said casually, as she turned the page of the textbook.

"You know," Sirius started, before snorting the gum out his nose. "I think we might get on," He finished with a grin.

"In your dreams, Black," Lily replied as she slid her notes over towards Sirius.

Sirius grinned. Yeah, things were definitely looking up. He was off the drugs, friends again with James and Remus, and he'd even connected with Evans.

o0o

_**'No I just don't wanna, so I'm walking away** _   
_**There is nothing that you can do I will not stay** _   
_**No I don't need drama, so I'm walking away** _   
_**I'm just a girl that you lost to cocaine'** _


	6. Academia

o0o

_**'I am a dash and you are a dot,** _

_**When will you see that I am all that you've got?** _   
_**I'm a binary code that you cracked long ago,** _

_**But to you I'm just a novel that you wish you never wrote.** _

_**I'm greater than X, and lesser than Y,** _   
_**So why is it that I still can't catch your eye?** _   
_**You're a cryptic crossword, a song I've never heard,** _   
_**While I sit here drawing circles I'm afraid of being hurt.'** _

o0o

_Graduation..._

o0o

Sirius scowled and shifted in his seat uncomfortably, squashed between Mrs Potter and Remus. Sighing, he adjusted the ridiculous pointed hat on his head and stuck his tongue out at James who was sat on the other side of Mrs Potter. James grinned at him and leaned forwards. "You look like a twat!" James chuckled, eyeing Sirius' hat.

"Speak for yourself, Prongs," He muttered back.

They were the generation coming out of school to rally against Voldemort, and how does Dumbledore give them a decent send off? He sticks them in stupid, oversized wizards' hats and makes them receive embarrassing 'awards' in front of their entire school year and their families.

Nigel Boot was currently receiving the award for being the ' _student with the most impressive facial hair'._ Merlin, seven years of education and his entire string of academic and pranking achievements would be reduced to one award that could be anything from ' _most attractive student'_ to ' _student with the most fleas_ '. Although, he was quite sure that between Moony and Prongs' flea-shampoo assault, the majority of the little bastards were dead.

"Severus Snape!" Dumbledore called. Sirius perked up to watch what award the greasy git would get.

"Padfoot," James hissed.

"What?" He replied.

"Watch this," James continued, muttering a spell under his breath and directing his wand towards the certificate Dumbledore held.

Snivellus was walking up to the stage where Dumbledore stood. "Mr Snape, you have been given the award for the ' _student most in need of shampoo_ '... oh my apologies, it appears the certificate has taken it upon itself to change," Dumbledore said, raising an eyebrow in their direction. Snivelly was blushing an unpleasant puce and the audience of students were twittering with laughter.

Sirius himself was finding it very difficult to contain his laughter. "Nice one, James!" He exclaimed under his breath.

"James!" Mrs Potter snapped and tweaked his ear, giving him and Sirius stern looks. Sirius glanced at Lily who was giving James a very meaningful look.

"Bollocks, no 'special' congratulations from Lily tonight then... Ah well, it was so worth it," James sighed.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Dumbledore called over the amused mutters of students.

Sirius sidled out of the row of seats with pats on the back from Remus, Peter and James. All eyes were on him as he sauntered towards Dumbledore. "Mr Black, you are receiving the award for ' _the student most likely to end up in Azkaban'_ ," Dumbledore announced.

"Azkaban?" Sirius exclaimed. "What for? Throwing a dungbomb at the Minister for Magic?"

"It wouldn't surprise me, Mr Black," Dumbledore replied as the hall erupted into laughter.

o0o

"Well that was total bullshit," Sirius grumbled to his friends as they milled around the sunny Hogwarts' grounds with butterbeers in their hands.

"Sirius!" Mrs Potter chided.

"Sorry Mrs Potter," He muttered.

"Come, Dorea let's go and thank Professor Dumbledore for educating our boys," Mr Potter said as he winked at James and Sirius and guided his wife away. Sirius felt a radiating pride and happiness that the Potters regarded him as their son.

Sirius took a swig of his butterbeer and threw his arms over James and Peter's shoulders. "So what are we all doing after graduation?" He asked. Although he had approached the subject with all the care of a hippogriff on a rampage, Sirius had not actually discussed the issue with the Marauders. The only thing he knew was that he had a flat to move into when he left; purchased with Uncle Alhpard's rather substantial inheritance. He had been hoping that Remus would move in with him. The flat was on the ground floor, had two bedrooms and included the cellar for transformations. However, Sirius didn't think Remus would be moving in with him.

James grinned, ducked from under his arm and gave Lily a peck on the cheek. "James Potter! You are in so much trouble! I can't believe you would do that to poor Severus!" She exclaimed.

"Lily... it was just a joke?"

"Shut up," She snapped.

"So anyway, Padfoot. Uh... we wanted to keep it a secret until today but Lily and I... we're engaged."

"Engaged to be married?" Sirius shouted, turning various heads.

"Shhh! And yes. We're moving in together tomorrow, to a house in Godric's Hollow my parents have bought us as an engagement present."

"Merlin, Prongs. What're they going to get you for a wedding present? A bloody small country?" Remus laughed, while merrily shaking James' hand and giving Lily a light hug.

Sirius stood with his mouth hanging open as he watched his friends chatter excitedly about the wedding. The wedding? Prongs was getting married? To Evans. "Bloody hell..." He breathed.

"Padfoot, are you okay?" James asked.

"Of course, mate! Congratulations!" Sirius feigned a beaming grin. He felt like he was being left behind. Only five minutes after graduating and his friends were already preparing to separate and make their own lives. He wasn't ready for this shit.

"There's something else I wanted to ask you," James continued with a hand on his shoulder.

" Mate... I'm not being a bridesmaid – ask Wormtail!"

"For fuck's sake, can't you be serious for one minute?"

"I'm always Si –"

"NO!" Remus interrupted loudly. "If I hear that so-called 'joke' one more time I might scream."

"I wouldn't mind hearing you scream, Moony," Sirius said with a wink.

Why the fuck did he say that?

"Stop flirting you two," James interrupted. "Anyway, Sirius? Will you be my best man?" He asked with hopeful hazel eyes observing Sirius.

"I thought that was a given!" Sirius laughed.

"Brilliant," James replied.

"Hey guys," Sirius beckoned his friends closer. "We are going to give old Prongs the best  _stag_  party ever!"

"Haha!" Peter laughed. "Because James is a stag!" He giggled.

Sirius, James and Remus all looked blankly at Wormtail.

A plate of mini pumpkin pasties and three butterbeers later, Sirius and Remus sat on a bench watching as their classmates and friends celebrated with their families. "Why couldn't your parents be here?" Sirius asked.

"Dad doesn't want to risk going out with Greyback on the loose again," Remus replied with a shrug.

"That sucks," Sirius replied before taking a swig of butterbeer.

"It feels weird to be leaving Hogwarts. James is marrying Lily. Peter is going back to his parents. After seven years, it seems unbelievably sad that the marauders are parting ways," Remus said, pulling at a loose thread on his robes.

"We are not parting ways!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly.

"No?" Remus asked.

"I have a flat... two bedrooms... do you... move in?" Sirius mumbled.

"Mate," Remus replied as he bumped his shoulder against Sirius'. "I'd just assumed we were going to flat share after school."

"You'll come live in the flat?" Sirius asked, his eyes nearly falling out of his head as he spoke.

"I thought that was a given?" Remus grinned.

Sirius felt like his smile would split his face in half. He was so fucking happy.

Remus and Sirius watched as James spun Lily into his arms and kissed her soundly. Peter was laughing and clapping next to them. "With the two of us under one roof, the marauders aren't parting ways," Sirius said while extending his right hand.

"And I guess James will come over a lot," Remus replied grasping Sirius' hand.

"Prongs! Wormtail!" Sirius shouted and beckoned the other two over.

James placed his hand over Sirius and Remus' clasped hands, Peter rested his little hand on James'. "All together now," James said.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," the Marauders chanted together as there was a small blast and every pointed black hat in the crowd exploded into frilly pink bonnets.

Sirius smiled at Remus and was rewarded with those amber orbs smiling straight back at him. Maybe James was Lily were right, maybe it would just take Remus some time to admit his feelings. Sirius felt hopeful today.

o0o

_**'And if I am a number I'm infinity plus one** _   
_**And if you are five words then you're: afraid to be the one** _   
_**And if you are a number, you're infinity plus one** _   
_**And if I'm four words then: I'm needing of your love.** _

_**Oh Academia, you can pick me up,** _

_**Soothe me with your words when I need your love.'** _


	7. I Go To Sleep

o0o

_**'I was wrong, and I will cry** _   
_**I will love you till the day I die;** _   
_**You alone, you alone and no one else.** _   
_**You are meant for me.'** _

o0o

Sirius stumbled as James pulled him through a seemingly endless stream of muggles that lined the London pavements. Sirius mumbled an apology as he bumped into a disgruntled man in a pinstriped suit. "Ouch! James!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling his wrist away from his frantic looking scruffy-haired friend.

"Sorry," James muttered and peered through the window of the shop in front of them.

"Is this it?" Sirius asked while massaging his wrist.

"Remus said that it was a shop called  _Purge and Dowse Ltd._  and that's what it says up there," James replied, rattling the handle of the shop door.

"It says it's closed for refurbishment, mate. You sure he was right?" Sirius asked, placing a hand on James' shoulder.

"Merlin's balls! We just have to find St Mungo's!" James exclaimed, kicking the shop front in frustration.

Sirius hopped from one foot to the other nervously. He hadn't been able to relax since James owled him that morning telling him that Mr and Mrs Potter were in St Mungo's with a serious case of Scrofungulus. He knew that Scrofungulus was dangerous at the best of times but if the healers felt the need to tell them it was a 'serious case' then he worried about whether Charlus and Dorea would recover.

"Watch it, young man!" Said a well-spoken voice. James stopped with his foot in mid-kick.

"Who said that?" Sirius asked.

"I did," Said the voice again.

"Padfoot... is that dummy talking to us?" James asked, pointing at the badly outfitted mannequin.

"Welcome to St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. How may I help you?" The mannequin said.

"Uh..." Sirius said, glancing hopefully at James who was still stood with his mouth open. He sighed, evidently he was going to have to do this himself. "Yeah. We're looking for Charlus and Dorea Potter, we were told they are patients here." Sirius felt ridiculous talking at a shop window.

"Present your wands please," The mannequin instructed. James and Sirius complied. "Thank you, please step through the window and continue to reception."

Sirius watched as James stumbled through the window and disappeared. Despite his pureblood lineage, Sirius had never relished having to step through seemingly solid walls and windows. However, the need to see his surrogate parents spurred him on to step through the glass.

Sirius shivered as a cold sensation ran through his body and he stepped into the lobby of a busy hospital. Running over to catch up with James at reception, he tried to summon his Gryffindor courage and squash the feeling of anxiety and nausea in his stomach.

"Yes, Charlus Potter and Dorea Potter!" James exclaimed.

"Don't raise your voice at me, sir!" The prim receptionist said as she readjusted her oval glasses.

"I apologise," Sirius cut in smoothly. "He's just upset. If you don't mind me saying, you have the loveliest eyes," He said with a haughty flick of his hair. The receptionist blushed. "We're looking for Mr and Mrs Potter; we were told they had been admitted due to cases of Scrofungulus."

"One minute, sir. I'll have a look in the admissions records," The receptionist said and ducked down behind the desk.

James tapped his fingers on the desk impatiently and Sirius promptly squashed his hand with his own. "Play nice if you want her to be helpful," Sirius hissed out the corner of his mouth.

"I just want to make sure my parents are okay," James said quietly.

"Me too," Sirius replied.

The receptionist reappeared with a card in her hand. "Mrs Dorea Potter is in the Cepheus Mattingley ward, which is on the second floor," She said with a smile at Sirius.

"What about Mr Potter?" Sirius asked.

"We have no Mr Potters currently on any of our wards," She replied.

"Thanks," Sirius said and turned away towards the stairs.

"Sirius!" James said excitedly. "If there's no record of dad, he must be better!"

"Yeah," Sirius replied and followed James up the stairs and towards the floor for _Contagious Maladies_.

The Cepheus Mattingley ward was eerily quiet in comparison to the busy departments Sirius and James had walked through on their way. Cubicles were separated by flimsy white curtains and behind them Sirius could see the silhouettes of patients reclining in their beds. "Excuse me," He said to the nearest mediwitch. "We're looking for Dorea Potter."

"Are you the sons?" The young woman asked.

"Yes," James and Sirius replied together.

"Come with me," The mediwitch said while gesturing for them to follow.

They stopped outside a cubicle just like the others but they were interrupted by the mediwitch as they moved to part the curtains. "I need to talk to you before you see her; so you know what to expect and understand Mrs Potter's condition," She said.

"Her condition? I thought it was only a magical bug!" James exclaimed, straining to keep his voice down.

"Scrofungulus is a very serious disease, Mr Potter. It is caused by exposure to the spores of a rare fungus and results in the patient experiencing infection of the glands in the neck region. Your mother is past the stage of contagion now but this also means that the illness has progressed to include open lesions on her neck. We've done the best we can but between her age-weakened immune system and the septicaemia from the lesions, there's very little more treatment we can off her."

There was a terrible silence between the three of them. Sirius didn't know much about magical illnesses at all but from what the mediwitch said... well he didn't like the direction this visit was going in.

"What do you mean?" James croaked. From the tears that had sprung into his brown eyes Sirius could tell that he already knew the answer, he just didn't want to believe it.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you boys this but your mother is dying."

"Dying?" James choked out. Sirius placed his hand on James' shoulder reassuringly. "Is my father with her?" He asked after a few minutes.

The young mediwitch looked stricken. "Has no one told you?" She said.

"Told us what?" Sirius said, with his throat thick with emotion.

"I'm afraid Mr Potter passed away this morning from complications... you see Scrofungulus really is very contagious. His immune system couldn't take the strain. I am very sorry for your loss..."

Tears were freely running down James' and Sirius' cheeks. "I'd like to see my mother now," James whispered.

"She's in and out of consciousness. Feel free to stay with her to the end... it won't be much longer now," The mediwitch said sympathetically as she pulled back the curtains. James let out a low, keening moan of grief and rushed forwards, dropping to his knees and weeping into the hospital bed covers.

Sirius stepped in and shut the curtains behind him. Dorea Potter was so still that he thought she wasn't breathing until she took a great shuddering breath. There was a lingering smell of infected wounds, obviously emanating from the grisly lesions on her neck. Her skin looked stretched and a translucent grey. Sirius was scared to touch her in case she simply crumbled away like the sand from a ruined sandcastle.

"Oh...my boys," Mrs Potter whispered as her eyes flickered open.

"Mum!" Sobbed James.

"It'll be okay Jamie, it'll be okay," She cooed, stroking James' messy black hair with soothing movements.

"How can it be? Dad's dead, mum," James said, his voice muffled by sheets and tears.

"I know, I know, honey. But you're a strong lad who will soon have a wife, ready to start his own family. Your father and I have always and will always love you."

For a while Sirius just stood and watched as Dorea Potter cradled her son's head in her frail arms and comforted him through his anguished tears. "Sirius?" She called, one hand outstretched towards him and a soft smile on her face. He moved to her side and perched on the bed with his hand in hers. "Charlus and I were always so proud of you," She said. Sirius felt the tears spring up in his eyes again.

"Yeah?" He choked out.

"Always," She whispered and stroked his hand. "You're our son and you completed our family, Sirius."

That was it, the floodgates opened. Great gasping sobs tore from his chest, his nose streamed, and tears dripped from his nose and chin. Sirius felt like screaming and tearing everything down. How could life be so fucking cruel? How could it take someone wonderful like Mrs Potter and leave his vile blood-supremacist hag of a birth mother alive? It seemed so senseless.

Sirius watched as her eyelids drooped and she sighed. "I'm so tired," Mrs Potter whispered.

"It's okay mum," James said. "It's okay, you can go..." Dorea Potter's chest stopped mid-rise and her final exhalation of air brushed across the hairs on the back of Sirius' arm.

"I love you, mum," Sirius whispered into Mrs Potter's ear, before kissing her on the forehead.

o0o

Sirius flopped down onto the sofa as he shrugged off his black jacket and loosened his tie. Remus followed and collapsed beside him, handing him a can of muggle beer that was sitting on the coffee table. Sirius nodded gratefully as he opened it and took a long draught before offering some to Remus.

"Do you think James will be okay?" Sirius asked.

"I can't imagine what it's like to bury your parents but I do know that Lily will look after him," Remus replied and handed the beer back; his hair had got to that length again where it flicked up around his ears and jaw. Sirius inhaled Remus' scent of musk and chocolate as he leant his head on the werewolf's shoulder.

"I'm more worried about you, Pads," Remus said, leaning his cheek against Sirius' hair.

It was moments of closeness like this that gave Sirius the strength to keep hoping that maybe someday Remus would return his feelings. He knew that they were closer than most platonic friendships; most men weren't so touchy feely. But it didn't matter. Sometimes in those moments Sirius could believe that the world didn't exist outside of the flat.

"I'll be okay, Moony," Sirius sighed and sat up. If he stayed close to Remus much longer he wouldn't be able to tear himself away. "I just need some sleep. Too much butterbeer at the wake I think," He said and patted his stomach.

"Okay... well I'll be out here if you need anything," Remus said with concern marring his brow.

"Thanks mate," Sirius said before turning away and closing the door of his bedroom.

Inside a dark cocoon of duvets, Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and silently wept. He had never felt so lonely. Yeah, it was great having Remus about the flat but Sirius longed for physical closeness. There would be no more motherly hugs or fatherly pats on the shoulder from the Potters' and he knew that there wouldn't be any kisses or embraces from Remus. He felt as though everything was getting further and further away from him and eventually he'd just be one solitary figure in an emotional jail cell.

Sirius was tired; it had been a long day. Wiping his tears away and rubbing his nose, he rolled over and tried to relax into sleep. Sirius just  _knew_ that he would never love anybody like Remus; even if Remus never returned his feelings, Sirius would keep hoping until his death day because there was no one else... there would never be anyone else. He imagined Remus' arms wrapping around him and soothing him into dreams.

o0o

_**'I go to sleep,** _

_**And imagine that you're there with me,** _

_**I go to sleep,** _

_**And imagine that you're there with me.'** _


	8. Playground

**_'I don't wanna grow old_ **   
**_Bring me all the toys you can find_ **   
**_You don't wanna grow up_ **   
**_You can be my partner in crime'_ **

o0o

Sirius fumbled with his tie while trying to balance the cigarette between two fingers. "Oh for fuck's sake!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Come here," Remus sighed and motioned him forwards.

"You'd think I'd be able to sort out my own tie after seven years at school!" Sirius muttered, taking a drag of his cigarette.

Remus plucked the cigarette from Sirius' mouth and placed it between his own lips. "If you hadn't had those two glasses of firewhiskey this morning you'd have been fine, Padfoot," Remus scolded lightly.

"It was Dutch courage!" Sirius replied indignantly.

"You're not the one getting married!" James exclaimed, looking pale and harried.

Remus finished tying the black tie around Sirius' neck and patted him on the chest. "There, now you look like a presentable Best Man."

"Prongs, why couldn't you have chosen Moony? I'm going to be shit!" Sirius whined, lighting a new cigarette.

"You'll be fine," Remus reassured him.

"Guys!" James exclaimed. "You're supposed to be reassuring  _me_!"

"Sorry," Sirius and Remus said together.

"I'm shitting myself!" James muttered, running a hand through his hair. "What if she doesn't turn up? She might've changed her mind! Oh Merlin!"

"Prongs!" Sirius said, walking over to the dresser where James sat. "She's fucking head-over-heels in love with you. Trust me, she'll be there; when have I ever been wrong?"

James sat opening and closing his mouth incredulously. "All the time!" James finally managed.

"I think what Padfoot meant was that you have nothing to worry about. All you need to do is turn up and say your vows mate," Remus said.

"Exactly," Sirius added, admiring the way Remus looked in dress robes.

Remus' shoulders had broadened in the last few months, making him look much less lanky and far more well-built. The black dress robes fitted his frame perfectly and hung over the white shirt in just the right way. The black tie he wore around his neck disappeared tantalisingly beneath the robes and made Sirius want to unbutton the blasted things. His hair had been trimmed for the wedding but still managed to look deliciously rumpled and shaggy. His fringe was brushed to one side and the ends of his hair flicked up slightly at the ends. Sirius was constantly stopping himself from running his hands through the soft looking sandy locks.

"We have to be in our assigned positions soon!" James groaned nervously.

"It's a wedding, not a fucking military operation!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked.

"Here!" Peter replied, poking his head around the door. "James, the guests are starting to arrive," Wormtail continued, pushing his mousy hair off his sweaty forehead.

"That's your cue!" Remus said, dragging James from his seat.

"S'alright Prongs, you'll be married today whatever happens! Petunia's already here and it's tradition for the groom to marry the bridesmaid if the bride doesn't turn up!" Sirius added cheerfully.

"I think I'm going to be sick," James muttered as they began shuffling out of the door.

o0o

The short wizard presiding over the ceremony smiled reassuringly at James; Sirius noticed that it did nothing to ease his friend's nerves. James and Sirius stood in the garden of the house at Godric's Hollow. The garden had been transformed into an Eden of neatly arranged chairs adorned with climbing vines, arched trellises decorated with roses and lilies, and a shimmering golden carpet leading down the aisle. Sirius had to admit that the place looked absolutely beautiful.

"Mate, everything will be fine," He murmured and patted James on the shoulder.

"Have you got the rings?" James replied anxiously.

"Yeah, right here in my –" Sirius' hand froze as he patted his  _empty_ pocket. "Uh..."

"Padfoot!" Remus quietly exclaimed, out of breath after running down the garden. "You forgot the fucking rings!" He said, handing Sirius the simple gold wedding bands.

"Yeah, they're right here!" Sirius finished, showing James the rings. James seemed to visibly shrink with relief.

"Oh thank Merlin! Can you see her?"

"Not yet mate," Remus said as he sank into his seat.

"There!" Sirius exclaimed as he saw a flash of wedding dress at the door to the house. Bach's  _Air on the G_  began playing as Lily appeared and began to walk down the aisle.

Lily Evans (soon to be Potter) looked like an angel. Whatever Sirius thought about the woman, she made a beautiful bride.

Lily's hair was pulled up into a tasteful cascade of red, adorned with little blue sapphires and glittering diamonds. Her pale neck looked slim and swan like as it swooped down to meet the soft white silk and lace wedding dress. The dress was tasteful and traditional. Demure lace sleeves met a full white bodice, which joined a flowing silk skirt that skimmed Lily's hips. She seemed to float down the aisle as she clutched at the bouquet of yellow roses and forget-me-nots, her bottle-green eyes peering nervously from beneath her veil.

As beautiful as she was, Sirius was more touched by his friend's reaction. James stood perfectly still, frozen in awe as he watched his bride glide down the aisle. The look of love and joy of James' face was enough to tighten Sirius' throat with emotion. He glanced down at Remus to see that his amber eyes had welled with tears.

Once the bride and groom stood side-by-side the ceremony began.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of James Charlus Potter and Lily Rose Evans. If anyone knows of any lawful impediment why this couple may not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace..."

There was a pregnant silence.

Mercifully, after a few minutes the ceremony continued. "Let us begin," The short wizard said. "The rings," The overseeing wizard said. Sirius held out the rings between James and Lily. There was not a dry eye in the garden that Sirius could see (then again Wormtail's eyes always seemed watery), as Lily and James said their vows.

"I, James Charlus Potter, take thee, Lily Rose Evans to be my lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." James answered, slipping a ring onto Lily's finger.

"I now pronounce you man and wife!" The wizard boomed happily. "You may kiss the bride!" James lifted Lily's veil reverently and planted a tender kiss on her rosebud lips. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you Mr James and Mrs Lily Potter!" The congregation's polite clapping was only disrupted by tearful sniffles and the whooping being emitted by Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

o0o

Sirius reached into his robes and stealthily poured a large hipflask of firewhiskey into the punch bowl. "There we go Moony! That should liven up Lily's muggle relatives," Sirius said, nodding towards the huddle of awkward-looking people. The only ones in the group who didn't look nervous were Lily's sister Petunia and her husband Ver-something; they looked like they'd both simultaneously eaten a tripe flavoured Bertie Botts and stepped in a pile of dog mess.

"Excellent! I daresay that James' family need to relax a bit too," Remus replied, gesturing vaguely towards the cluster of purebloods on the other side of the garden.

"It's a good thing they invited lots of friends!" Peter chipped in, as he reached between Sirius and Remus to grab a handful of sausage rolls.

"Well, I've plenty more up my sleeve," Sirius said, rubbing his hands together.

"You're not going to ruin the reception are you?" Remus asked with a sigh.

"No, not ruin it. I'm planning on making it a night to remember, Marauder style," Sirius replied, grinning at Peter and Remus.

An hour later and the muggles and purebloods were well and truly loosened up. Well, if you could count guffawing with each other and some good-natured flirtation, mixed with terrible dancing 'loosened up'. "Dessert is served!" Came an announcement.

Sirius grinned at Remus, who lifted his eyebrows in response. As the first knife touched the first pudding there were several almighty explosions of cake. Everyone except the four marauders and Lily were covered in icing and sponge. The fireworks that had exploded from the wedding cake now spelt out:  _Congratulations James and Lily Potter! Love Moony, Wormtail, and Padfoot!_

o0o

The slow-dances had begun and the evening was winding down. James and Lily had disappeared for their weekend-long honeymoon and Peter had disappeared into a corner with one of Lily's chubby bridesmaids. Sirius yawned and stole the cigarette from Remus' hands. "Time to go home soon, I think," Remus said, fishing around in his dress robes for a new cigarette.

"Mmm," Sirius replied, watching as the song finished. "Oh! I love this song!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up as a new track began playing.

Sirius looked down at Remus who was swaying slightly on the bench as he concentrated on lighting a cigarette. He seemed drunk. But the question was whether he was drunk enough to... no, Sirius refused to take advantage of Remus.

"Mr Padfoot!" Remus exclaimed, standing up and exhaling a long puff of smoke. His amber eyes danced in the candlelight.

"Mr Moony?" Sirius inquired.

"May I have this dance?" Remus asked with a flourishing bow.

"Why of course, sir!" Sirius replied, playing along and trying to ignore the excited butterflies in his abdomen.

Sirius and Remus began mock-waltzing around the dance floor, laughing together and revelling in the festivities and drink. However, before long their dancing slowed with their own fatigue and they began to shuffle around like the other couples.

"Hey, Padfoot," Remus said.

"What?" Sirius replied as he drank in Remus' tobacco scented breath.

"You realise we look really gay," Remus said with a laugh.

"Ah well, it's a wedding... everyone looks really gay!" Sirius replied lamely, gently readjusting his grip on Remus' waist.

"Yeah...you know what?" Remus asked whilst bringing his arms up around Sirius' neck.

"What?" Sirius asked, barely daring to speak in case he broke the moment.

"I don't think I mind if we look gay," Remus said.

Sirius grinned to himself as he brought his other hand down to Remus' waist. "You know, you're not a bad dancer Moony," Sirius said.

"Yeah, not bad for a bookworm," Remus joked and leant his head against Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius leant his cheek against the softness of Remus' hair as they swayed to the music.

Remus burrowed closer to Sirius' neck. "I don't want to grow up," Remus whispered, his breath brushing against Sirius' throat. "Why can't we just stay like this forever?" He asked.

"I know Moony. It's okay though... you'll always have me," Sirius replied, bringing one hand up to play with the back of Remus' hair.

"I feel like life is turning into one horrible game of hide-and-seek," Remus murmured.

"I'll always be able to find you, Moony. You've never been able to hide from me," Sirius replied, rubbing comforting circles on Remus' back.

"I'm so scared," Remus said tiredly.

"Me too...me too..." Sirius whispered in reply.

Sirius and Remus swayed together despite the fact that the music had stopped, clinging to each other for dear life. With Voldemort and all the danger out there in the real world it was wonderful to lose themselves in each other for a moment of drunken bliss.

But Sirius knew they'd come through unscathed. Of course they would. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs would stick together until the very end. If there was one thing Sirius believed in, it was that his friends would never betray him...

o0o

**_'Close your eyes and count to thirty five_ **   
**_You may never ever find me_ **   
**_Close my eyes and then I realize_ **   
**_You are never far behind me_ **

**_You can catch me if you can_ **   
**_We can make a secret place_ **

**_Meet me at the playground, come with me, fool around'_ **

o0o


	9. Death By Chocolate

**_'Death by anger this is true_ **   
**_Just let him go he can't hurt you_ **   
**_Oh little girl this is such a cruel cruel world_ **   
**_This is the first, of a million broken hearts.'_ **

o0o

Sirius sipped at his coffee and flicked ash off the end of his cigarette into the ashtray on his kitchen table. Yawning, he turned the  _Daily Prophet_  over and scanned over the headlines. As he expected, the front page of the  _Prophet_  was filled with stories about disappearances and attacks. The world was going to hell.

Frustrated with the newspaper's gloomy headlines, Sirius crumpled it into a ball and launched it across to the other side of the room. "Any news?" Remus asked groggily as he sat at the kitchen table, towel-drying his hair.

"Usual," Sirius grunted, taking a puff on his cigarette.

"Any mail?" Remus asked, sniffing gingerly at the milk carton.

"Not yet," Sirius replied as he stretched.

"Urgh," Remus muttered, recoiling from the milk. "We need more milk and it's your turn to get it," He said.

"The milk's fine, I just had some on my cereal!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Padfoot, it's got chunks in it!" Remus replied.

"I thought they were yoghurt covered bits of cereal," Sirius said, pushing his empty cereal bowl away in disgust. "Fine," He said with a sigh. "I'll go and get the milk."

"It's only down the road!" Remus replied with a wry smile.

"Maybe for you – you long-legged freak," Sirius huffed.

"No, Padfoot, the shop is still only down the road – it just takes you longer to get there," Remus replied as he summoned the  _Prophet_  with a non-verbal  _accio_.

"Ugh," Sirius grunted in reply as he shrugged on his coat.

"Oh! And get some chocolate while you're there!" Remus called after him.

Sirius balanced the carton of milk and several bars of chocolate in one hand as he slotted the key into the flat door. He hoped Remus appreciated this, the rain was bloody torrential! "Your order, sir," Sirius said with a flamboyant bow as he dropped the shopping on the table. He looked up when Remus didn't move or say anything.

Remus was sat exactly where Sirius had left him. The  _Prophet_ was smoothed out in front of him and there was a cigarette in his hand. However, Remus was sat staring straight ahead with a look of shocked horror and the cigarette had burnt all the way down to the butt leaving a pile of ash burning through the tablecloth.

"Remus?" Sirius asked gently, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Remus?" He asked, sitting down next to him. "What's wrong?"

Remus' mouth opened and closed ineffectually for a moment before he managed to speak. "It was in the paper... didn't you see?"

"What was in the paper?" Sirius asked scrabbling to find the article that had upset Remus so much.

And then he saw it.

**MINISTRY WORKER AND WIFE DEAD IN SAVAGE WEREWOLF ATTACK**

_An incident at a cottage in Greater Gadding has, this morning, been confirmed as an attack perpetrated by werewolves. Although no eyewitnesses survive it is believed that this was the work of notorious werewolf Fenrir Greyback. There have been two confirmed fatalities: a ministry worker Mr John Lupin and his wife. Aurors say that this was a planned attack and the ministry wishes to advise residents of the area not to panic but to remain cautious..._

"Remus... I..."

"They're dead," Remus said, looking up at Sirius with mournful eyes.

"I am so sorry," Sirius said, as Remus' eyes welled with tears.

"That fucking BASTARD!" Remus shouted suddenly, slamming his fist into the kitchen table and leaving an indentation. "How much more does that murderous son of a bitch want to take from me?" Remus stood up and kicked the chair over. "He took my fucking childhood, my future, and now he's taken my parents," Remus sobbed. "He took my parents... my mum..." He sank to his knees.

Sirius dropped down next to him and cradled Remus as sobs wracked his body.

An hour later and after Remus' tears had dried, the two of them sat on the sofa in silence. "I just keep thinking about the pain they must've been in," Remus said suddenly.

"Mate..." Sirius said.

"I know how it feels to be bitten but...they were destroyed..."

"Is there any chance of a burial do you think?"

Remus laughed bitterly. "Not unless you want to follow Greyback and his pack around until one of them shits out my dad's false teeth!"

"Fucking hell... I need a drink," Sirius said, getting up to fetch butterbeers.

"And chocolate," Remus added.

After depleting their stock of butterbeer, Sirius and Remus had moved onto firewhiskey. "I can't believe Lily's pregnant," Sirius said.

"I know. It doesn't seem real," Remus replied, before taking a large bite of chocolate.

"Boy or girl?" Sirius asked.

"Boy."

"Yeah, that's what I reckon. If it's a boy they're going to name him Harry," Sirius said.

"Harry Potter. That's got a nice ring to it," Remus replied.

"I just wonder what sort of life the kid's going to have, you know?" Sirius said after taking a swig of his whiskey.

"I know. What kind of world is he going to be coming into?" Remus said.

"We'll make sure he's okay though," Sirius said, sounding surer than he felt.

"Do you really believe that?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I do. We Marauders stick together and Prongs' sprog will be a little Marauderling – he'll be all of our responsibility," Sirius said with a smile.

"Marauderling?" Remus asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, you heard me!" Sirius replied and playfully bumped elbows with Remus.

Sirius poured them both another drink. "Do you reckon you'll ever have kids?" Remus asked.

"Me?" Sirius scoffed. "No. Kids are only fun when you don't have to change their nappies and wake up in the middle of the night for them," Sirius said.

"True."

"Also, I think that my gender preferences render it biologically impossible," Sirius added with a grin.

"You mean you're a raging bender," Remus said with a laugh.

"That's right. Sirius Black: raging bender, poof, whoopsie, homo, and chocolate chimney sweep!"

"Bum –burglar?" Remus added between giggles.

"Exhaust pipe engineer," Sirius said with a snort.

"Dandy."

"Gentleman of the back door."

"Knob jockey," Remus choked out.

"Screaming fairy," Sirius said.

"Willie woofter," Remus said.

Sirius spat firewiskey all over himself. "Oh honestly, Remus! You're a bad influence on me," Sirius said as he wiped the drink off his chin and poured himself another. "Thanks, Sirius," Remus said.

"What for?" Sirius asked curiously.

"For sitting here with me..."

"...And making obscene remarks?"

"For sitting here with me and making things easier. You know, for just being an amazing friend," Remus mumbled.

"Keep talking like that Moony and you're halfway to becoming a shirtlifter yourself!" Sirius joked.

"I'm being serious!"

"No, I'm Sirius!"

"Right! That's it!" Remus exclaimed and launched himself at Sirius poised to tickle him.

After one of the most girly tickle-induced screams the world has ever known, Sirius sat up and readjusted his hair. "I don't know what I'd do without you," Remus said.

"Probably be found dead amongst books and chocolate wrappers after dying of anti-social werewolf syndrome," Sirius said with a shrug.

"You're such an arse," Remus said and smacked Sirius lightly on the arm.

"Ah but you love me," Sirius joked, batting his eyelashes.

"Actually..." Remus said with a guilty look.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"I – I – think that I might," Remus mumbled.

"Are you drunk?" Sirius asked, his heart thudding wildly in his chest.

"No... well a bit but that's not the point!" Remus said. "I've been thinking about things for a while now and... well... I think that I realised at Lily and James' wedding."

"Realised?" Sirius all but squeaked.

"I love you."

Sirius could feel Remus' eyes boring into him but he couldn't look up to meet the amber orbs. His heart was thumping and he felt lightheaded. On the one hand he wanted to shout for joy and kiss Remus and never stop. But in the back of his mind he was reminded of all the times Remus had rejected him after moments like this.

"Remus...you're upset..." Sirius said with a sigh.

"No, Sirius! Honestly. I can't stop thinking about you. Even before you kissed me that time on the Hogwarts Express, I thought about you constantly. I was so jealous when you were with other people. I was so fucking scared Sirius..." Remus said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Scared?" Sirius breathed.

"Scared I was gay. Scared what everyone would think. Terrified that it was just one more thing for society to hate me for."

"Remus..."

"I don't know whether I'm gay, Sirius," Remus said, reaching out a hand and tilting Sirius' chin up to look at him. Sirius swallowed nervously as his eyes met Remus'. "But I know that I love you."

Remus leaned in and pressed his lips to Sirius'. Sirius felt like he was going to explode with the joy that was coursing through his body. Their lips moved together like old lovers and their breath mingled. Sirius moaned as Remus sought entrance to his mouth and their tongues tangled together. Remus pulled Sirius atop of him to straddle his waist and tangled his fingers into Sirius' hair.

Sirius broke away and began to kiss and nibble his way down Remus' neck, occasionally flicking his tongue out to taste his skin. Remus moaned and arched up against Sirius. Responding, Sirius tentatively moved his hips against Remus when Remus' eyes flashed open and he froze.

"Sirius... wait..."

o0o

_**'Tears on your pillow will dry and you will learn** _   
_**Just how to love again** _   
_**Oh my weeping willow** _   
_**Let your leaves fall and return** _   
_**Oh darling the seasons are your friend** _

_**Oh it won't be long you will grow strong** _   
_**Up up and away'** _

o0o


	10. Soon We'll Be Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Serious smut alert.

**_'So come along, it wont be long_ **   
**_'Til we return happy_ **   
**_Shut your eyes, there are no lies_ **   
**_In this world we call sleep_ **   
**_Let's desert this day of hurt_ **   
**_Tomorrow we'll be free'_ **

**_o0o_ **

_Remus leaned in and pressed his lips to Sirius'. Sirius felt like he was going to explode with the joy that was coursing through his body. Their lips moved together like old lovers and their breath mingled. Sirius moaned as Remus sought entrance to his mouth and their tongues tangled together. Remus pulled Sirius atop of him to straddle his waist and tangled his fingers into Sirius' hair._

_Sirius broke away and began to kiss and nibble his way down Remus' neck, occasionally flicking his tongue out to taste his skin. Remus moaned and arched up against Sirius. Responding, Sirius tentatively moved his hips against Remus when Remus' eyes flashed open and he froze._

_"Sirius... wait..."_

Sirius closed his eyes and braced himself for the inevitable rejection. Remus was sat frozen underneath him, his hands still twined in Sirius' hair. "It's okay, Remus. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you…" Sirius said, choking back tears and reluctantly pulling away from Remus.

Sirius stood up and straightened his clothes, moving away from the sofa. He could still feel Remus' eyes on him and hear the werewolf's heavy breathing. Merlin… it was taking all his strength not to throw himself back into Remus' arms. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes but he'd be damned if he let Remus see how much these rejections hurt him.

Suddenly, he felt Remus' grip on his hand pulling him around.

Remus stood in front of him, his face flushed and hair rumpled from Sirius' ministrations. "I didn't want you to stop," Remus said breathlessly, using his free hand to caress Sirius' hip.

"But – but you told me to wait," Sirius replied both confused and enjoying the feeling of Remus' hand moving dangerously close to the bulge in his jeans.

"Yeah, I did," Remus said quietly, leaning forwards and planting soft kiss along the shell of his ear. Remus' hot breath brushed over Sirius' ear as he spoke. "But if you'd let me finish," Remus said as he moved the palm of his hand to rub Sirius' erection. "I was going to say we should wait until we're in the bedroom..."

Before Remus could even finish his sentence, Sirius brought his lips crashing against Remus'. The desire and need he had been holding onto for years escaping in their messy kiss of teeth, tongue, and lip. Slowly they backed up towards Sirius' bedroom, still kissing passionately.

"I've wanted you for so long," Sirius groaned as Remus began unbuttoning his shirt and nibbling the sensitive skin by his collarbone. Sirius desperately tugged at Remus' t-shirt and wildly ripped it over the sandy haired man's head. "Bed," Remus murmured before they tumbled onto the soft mattress in a tangle of limbs.

Sirius used the opportunity to flip Remus over and admire the taut, muscular torso beneath him. He dipped his head and ran his tongue over one of Remus' nipples, eliciting a long moan from Remus. Sirius moved his lips down Remus' body, admiring the way the werewolf's muscles quivered in anticipation as Sirius' lips moved closer towards his waistband. Sirius couldn't resist teasing a little as his ran his tongue across the sensitive skin at Remus' hip.

"Padfoot," Remus gasped. "Take off my fucking jeans – I need to feel you..." Sirius complied and divested both himself and Remus of their trousers.

Remus pulled him back up into a passionate kiss, caressing Sirius' arse as the two of them pushed down their boxers. Sirius nearly cried out as their erections strained against one another. It had been  _so_ long since he had experienced anything like this and it felt unimaginably delicious to know that it was Remus writhing underneath him as he flexed his hips.

"We don't have to move too fast if you don't want to," Sirius said breathlessly in between kisses.

"Shut up and fuck me," Remus said, looking straight into his eyes. Sirius was completely sure that those five words were the most erotic things he had ever heard.

Regaining his composure Sirius traced his tongue down to Remus' erection and swiftly took the head in his mouth. Remus cried out and his hands flew to tangle in Sirius' hair. Sirius relished the feeling of the hardness in his mouth as he circled his tongue around the tip and began to bob his head up and down.

"Sirius..." Remus moaned. "Feels - amazing - but - want to cum - with you inside me."

"You sure?" Sirius said as he sat up and reached for his wand on the dresser.

"Yes! Yes, I'm sure!" Remus said, his voice pleading.

Sirius couldn't hold back anymore and cast a quick lubricating spell. "This might hurt a bit," He whispered to Remus as he poised at his entrance.

"I don't care!" Remus replied and gripped Sirius' arse again.

The anticipation was killing him, so Sirius began to slowly push into Remus' tight entrance. "Oh god," He breathed as Remus' walls stretched to accommodate his size. He paused to allow Remus to adjust but the werewolf below him was already moving against Sirius' shaft.

Sirius pulled almost entirely out and thrust back again making Remus cry out with pleasure. He set a maddeningly slow pace, gritting his teeth against the hot pleasure tugging at him. Remus' face was flushed and his hands fisted at the bed sheets as his back arched. "Faster. Harder. Sirius I need more," Remus whimpered.

"Turn over," Sirius said pulling out as Remus flipped over. "On your knees," He breathed into Remus' ear.

Gripping Remus' hips he entered him again but this time began thrusting faster. Hearing Remus' cries of pure pleasure drove him closer and closer to the edge as he pounded into him. Feeling himself near climax, Sirius reached around and started pumping Remus' shaft.

"Oh God...Sirius...I'm going to cum," Remus panted as several hot jets spilt over Sirius' hand.

Remus clenched around him and dragged Sirius over the edge with a cry of release. They separated and rolled onto their backs, catching their breath and basking in the moment.

Sirius lay staring up at the dark ceiling feeling as though his face might split from grinning.  _Finally_ , he thought with a breathy laugh. Suddenly a horrible thought hit him: what if Remus rejected like at Christmas in seventh year? He'd already told Sirius that he didn't know if he was gay. But then he'd also told Sirius that he loved him.

Oh Merlin, this could end up blowing up the whole equilibrium they had established in the last couple of years. Fuck! What was he going to do? Maybe he should just leave the room and get blind drunk while he waited for Remus to piece together some lame excuse why having sex was an accident.

"Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Mmm?" Sirius replied, slightly higher pitched with his worrying.

"Stop thinking – I can practically hear you from here," Remus said and rolled over to face Sirius.

"Sorry!" Sirius said with a sigh. "I don't want to fight – can we just sleep?"

"Fight?" Remus scoffed. "I thought a cigarette, cuddling, and sleep were more traditional post-coital activities... but whatever floats your boat, mate!"

"Uh..."

"Come here, Padfoot. I'm not going to push you away again," Remus said, leaving a lingering kiss on Sirius' lips and drawing him into his arms.

Sirius smiled into Remus' warm embrace and ran his hand in lazy circles across Remus' shoulders. "Mmm... feels nice," Remus muttered sleepily.

"Wait a minute!" Sirius said looking up at Remus sharply.

"What?" Remus replied, opening one of his eyes at Sirius.

"I cannot believe you just said 'post-coital'!" Sirius said laughing as Remus swatted him lightly on the arm.

Remus' breathing soon fell into the easy rhythm of sleep and Sirius lay in his arms happily. He still couldn't quite believe that Remus had not only admitted his feelings but that they had slept together. Maybe things really would work out in the end.

The only thing standing in their way now was the war. It was always raging just outside the flat, and was always in the back of their minds. James had mentioned that Dumbledore was setting up some sort of resistance group against Voldemort. Maybe this group would be able to give Lily and her unborn child protection.

All the while, Sirius wondered what sort of world the Potter child would be born into, what future laid in store for him and Remus.

o0o

_**'Let's not fight I'm tired can't we just sleep tonight** _   
_**Don't turn away it's just there's nothing left here to say** _   
_**Turn around, I know we're lost but soon we'll be found.'** _

o0o


	11. Electric Bird

**_'Someone plugged you in_ **   
**_And sadly they clipped your wings_ **   
**_Now you can't fly away electric bird'_ **

o0o

There was so much screaming. Each shrieking expression of agony felt like someone was jabbing knitting needles into Sirius' ears. He held on tightly to Remus' hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Remus glanced at Sirius, looking pale and vaguely green.

"Are you alright?" Sirius muttered under his breath.

"Ugh..." Remus replied.

"Y'know I'd take Mad Eye's terrifying speech from earlier on, over this," Sirius said, waving a hand vaguely in the direction of the screaming.

Actually, Sirius wasn't sure whether he'd rather listen to Mad Eye's little address to the Order of the Phoenix he'd been subjected to earlier in the day again. Hearing it once was more than enough. The grizzled auror had stood up in front of the mismatched group of witches and wizards to reveal new intelligence about Voldemort.

_"Just today we received vital intelligence. Dumbledore has told me that an 'anonymous but reliable source', which frankly I am suspicious of, has revealed a very worrying new development... We need to be on our guard more than ever! We must maintain constant vigilance!"_

_"Mad Eye, you'd ask us to 'maintain constant vigilance' even if Voldemort's greatest aim in life was to provide free cuddly toys for all!" James interrupted with a laugh._

_There was a nervous twitter of laughter from the Order._

_"Shut it, Potter. You won't be joking when I've finished, Dumbledore believes this could concern you!" Mad Eye growled._

_"Me?" James asked nervously, looking questioningly around him._

_"Dumbledore told me that just last night a prophecy was made. A prophecy, that has foretold the birth of a child who will have the potential to defeat Voldemort."_

_A shiver ran down Sirius' spine and a knot of foreboding twisted in his stomach._

_"This boy will be born at the end of July," Mad Eye said._

_Frank Longbottom let out a violent exclamation. "Neville!" He cried. His son had been born only that morning._

_"We'll be sending you and your family into hiding Frank," Mad Eye said._

_"Merlin..." Frank muttered, sinking into a chair._

_"How does this involve me? Our baby baby isn't due until –" James was cut off suddenly._

_"Lily's wet herself!" Wormtail exclaimed._

_"Oh! Oh no!" Lily moaned, grasping at her stomach as though attempting to keep her baby inside her._

_"She's not wet herself you twat!" Sirius hissed at Peter. "She's going into labour!"_

_"We'll secure a room in St Mungo's, Potter. After that you'll need to choose a secret keeper – you're going into hiding too," Mad Eye said._

_James' face drained of colour and his mouth opened and closed soundlessly as he stared between Mad Eye and his wife. He swayed on the spot for a second before keeling over backwards and lying unconscious on the floor._

_"Better make that two rooms at St Mungo's," Mad Eye growled to himself as he stepped over James and walked off to make contact with Dumbledore._

Lily screamed again as her contractions came closer together. It was not an easy birth and already the clock had ticked over into the early hours of the 31st July. Sirius felt as though he would never be able to breathe properly again with all the responsibility heaped on him. As of three hours ago he had been named the Potter's secret keeper.

"Peter get out!" James exclaimed shoving Wormtail out the room, as the mediwitch began to lift Lily's nightgown.

"We'll go too," Sirius said hopefully.

"Oh no!" James said. "You're staying."

"Why?" Sirius exclaimed with horror twisting his face as the mediwitch checked how dilated Lily was.

"Because firstly I don't need to worry about you two ogling my wife and secondly my son's godfather  _will_ witness his birth!" James said, poking Sirius in the chest.

"Godfather?" Sirius breathed. "I'm going to be a godfather?" His face split into a grin.

The elation was short-lived however as Lily began to push and emit strange growling noises. "Is that normal?" Sirius asked James.

"Is there anything normal about squeezing something the size of a rugby ball out of a hole that size?" James replied.

"JAMES!" Screamed Lily, causing James to rush to her side.

There was a resounding slap as Lily smacked him in the face. "What the fuck?" James exclaimed, rubbing his face.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU DID THIS TO ME POTTER! I'M NEVER LETTING YOU TOUCH ME AGA-aaaaaaAAAAAAGGHHH!"

"Oh fuck!" Sirius exclaimed. "There's something coming out!"

"OF COURSE THERE IS – I'M HAVING A BABY!"

"Prongs! I can see it! It has hair!" Sirius said, jumping up and down with excitement and disgust. Remus covered his eyes with his hands and Sirius watched, unable to turn his eyes away from the strange wrinkly creature emerging.

Lily groaned tiredly and with a strange (and slightly unnerving) squelching sound the wrinkly pink creature lay on the bed, covered in – well Sirius didn't want to think what that goo was. After a swift rubdown with a towel and the cutting of the cord, a croaky wailing issued from the baby's mouth.

James barrelled into Sirius and hugged him. "I'm a dad! It's a boy! I have a son!" He let go of Sirius and rushed back over to the bed. Sirius and Remus moved closer when the mediwitch had cleaned Lily up a bit and settled the baby boy on her chest.

"He's beautiful," Lily whispered as she stroked the baby's cheek. "Hello," She cooed. "Hello, Harry. I'm your mummy and that bespectacled oaf there is your daddy. And over there are your uncles Remus and Sirius. We all love you so much, Harry. We're so excited to meet you at last."

"Harry, eh?" James asked and stroked his son's head, smoothing the delicate baby hairs flat.

"Harry James Potter," Lily said with a smile, as she handed James his son.

Sirius gripped Remus' hand and shuffled around to view Harry more clearly. The boy was perfect. There wasn't a single blemish on the infant's skin and his cute little button nose and chubby cheeks made Sirius want to pick him up and cuddle him.

"Want to hold your godson, Padfoot?" James asked with a grin.

"Yes, please," Sirius said holding his arms out. The weight of baby Harry in his arms felt strange and yet wonderful at the same time. Cradling this little marvel, Sirius felt his heart soar with pride that this was his godson, that he would watch Harry grow into a man.

Harry stirred in his arms and yawned. Slowly, as though waking from a long sleep, Harry's eyelids opened and stared up into Sirius' face. Sirius stared back, enraptured by the little boy's dazzling green-eyed gaze. "Lily," He said. "He has your eyes!"

o0o

The brief joy that had followed Harry's birth was short-lived. Almost as soon as the Potter's began preparing to leave St Mungo's reality kicked in. Harry Potter, born 31st July 1980, only hours after his birth, had suddenly become one of Voldemort's most wanted.

Sirius sat on the sofa in the flat and mulled things over. Here he was sat with a feeling in his stomach like someone had dropped an anchor down his throat, when he should have been toasting the birth of his godson. Recently, it felt like Voldemort had cast a shadow over everything good in life.

Kicking off his shoes, Sirius stretched out on the sofa and lit a cigarette and puffed away contemplatively. Remus had gone to get some groceries and now Sirius regretted not going with him. He had been over an hour. Sirius chewed his lip and watched the clock; these days when someone was late home you started to panic. Oh Merlin... what if he'd been caught up in some attack? No, Remus could look after himself; he had been the best duellist in their year excluding Snivellus and his dark magic.

Sirius nearly leapt out of his seat as he heard the key in the door and Remus came flying into the flat, his hair sticking up at odd angles and his eyes wide as a black eye formed. Sirius took in Remus' rumpled clothes and the lumpy bruise forming on his cheek.

"What the fuck happened?" Sirius exclaimed, stumbling over the table as he rushed to get to Remus.

Remus just shook his head and sank onto the floor, the contents of the ripped shopping bag rolling across the floorboards. "Remus, speak to me," Sirius said while examining him for any serious injuries.

"Greyback," Remus croaked.

"What?" Sirius asked with a sharp intake of breath.

"Greyback," Remus said again, a little more steadily. "He cornered me on the way back from the shop. Dealt me a bit of damage," He said as he gestured to his face. Sirius helped Remus up and they both sat on the sofa in silence.

Sirius reached out for Remus' hand but cringed as the bruised werewolf pulled his hand away. "He threatened me. Everyone that I cared about. He threatened you, Pads. And Harry. Oh Merlin..." Remus moaned as he let his face fall into his hands.

"Moony... he won't get us," Sirius said placing a reassuring hand on Remus.

"Don't you get it?" Remus exclaimed, throwing himself to his feet and clenching his fists. "He gave me an ultimatum, Sirius."

"Huh?" Sirius watched with concern as fear and anger crossed Remus' face.

"He told me that if I didn't join him then he'd destroy you all. Told me that they need all the werewolves they can get – that they're working towards a world where we can live without persecution," Remus cried.

At Remus' words Sirius felt as though he'd swallowed an ice cube.

"But you didn't join him. I mean you know that Voldemort hates anyone who isn't pure human and pureblood – you didn't believe –"

"Fucking hell! How could you even think that of me?" Remus asked, his voice dripping with hurt.

"I don't, Remus," Sirius sighed.

"Don't you know what this means, Sirius?"

"What?"

"If I stay here then he'll destroy everyone I care about. I can't let him do that to you... I can't..." Remus' eyes filled with tears.

Sirius stood up and gripped Remus' shoulders tightly. "Don't you say it Remus Lupin, don't you say it!" He exclaimed, shaking Remus as he spoke.

"Sirius... I have to. I'm trapped and I can't deal with this," Remus said quietly.

"Ugh!" Sirius said angrily, throwing his hands up into the air. "Stop making yourself out to be the victim all the time! Okay? I'm an adult, I can decide whether something is too dangerous for me. And James, Lily, and Harry are safe. Remus," Sirius stroked the other man's bruised face gently. "You've let him win if you give this all up because of his threats."

"I just couldn't bear to see you hurt," Remus choked out, calming under Sirius' touch.

Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus'. "I'll be fine, Moony. We'll be fine."

"I love you, Sirius," Remus whispered before placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"I love you too," Sirius replied and pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

o0o

**_'Well you're art, you fell into this part_ **   
**_You play the victim perfectly holding your beating heart_ **   
**_You used to be so smart_ **   
**_You fluttered round the yard making your magic.'_ **

o0o


	12. Beautiful Calm Driving

**_'You're a stranger to me_ **   
**_You're a danger to me_ **   
**_You're a stranger to me_ **   
**_You're a danger_ **   
**_To me.'_ **

o0o

_October 1981_

o0o

Sirius was slumped on his sofa, a bag on frozen peas balancing on his bruised shin and his hand cradling his red eye. Remus was out, again, and the flat was silent except for the ticking clock mounted above the fireplace. After the slightly subdued early Halloween celebration at the Potter's, the flat seemed lonely and cold.

Where was Remus?

Sirius shifted on the sofa and rested his head back into a cushion. He felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders this afternoon. Voldemort's search for the Potters had increased in its fervour and there was a leak inside the Order. Everyone knew that he was best friends with James and Harry's godfather, it stood to reason that the death eaters expected him to be their secret keeper. And so he had decided to make Wormtail the secret keeper instead.

No one would expect Peter to be given something so important to look after and Sirius was sure that this way there would be less chance that the Potters would be found. They could torture him and use as much veritaserum as they liked but now he had handed over the responsibility to Peter there would be no information he could give. And Sirius was convinced that Peter was probably not even on Voldemort's radar. Why would Voldemort bother with a mediocre wizard who never took a lead role in anything?

He smiled to himself; at least he could rest easy on that count. Now all he had to do was find out where Remus had been going.

Sirius wanted to think the best of Remus and he loved him dearly but whenever Remus was absent there was always that nagging thought of the leak in the Order. No, Remus would never betray his friends. The werewolves were almost exclusively supporting Voldemort, believing that he would give them the chance for a better life after the war. But Sirius was almost certain that Remus would never betray his friends just so that he could get a job.

 _Almost_  certain.

Sirius glanced up as he heard Remus' key in the lock.

Remus entered the flat looking tired and shabbier than usual. "What happened to you?" He asked Sirius as he took in Sirius' injuries.

"Harry," Sirius replied, avoiding Remus' eyes and shifting the bag of frozen peas on his leg. "He got over excited after eating too much treacle tart and poked me in the eye. Then he flew into my shin with that little broomstick we got him for his birthday – what idiot thought that was a good idea?"

"Kids," Remus grunted with a little smile as he flopped down onto the sofa.

Sirius observed Remus from the periphery of his vision. Remus was lighting a cigarette and staring off at nothing, his legs jiggling nervously. Sirius was uncomfortably aware of the way they seemed to have taken to opposite ends of the sofa, the way the emotional distance was turning into a physical one.

Sometimes he wanted to touch Remus so badle that it hurt. Other times, he wanted to scream at him and hit him until he finally told the truth.

"What's got your tail in a twist?" Remus asked.

"Nothing," Sirius lied. He stood up and went to pour himself a glass of firewhiskey. "All set for tonight?" He asked, changing the subject after an uncomfortable silence.

"As much as I ever am," Remus replied with a shrug. "The wolf seems to be picking up on the war's atmosphere – he's more cagey than usual. I can't imagine that tonight will be very pleasant."

"Mmph," Sirius grunted as he took a sip of firewhiskey and sank into his corner of the sofa.

"You don't have to come," Remus said.

"No, I'll still be there," Sirius replied guiltily. A small part of him wanted to be there just in case Moony somehow managed to break out and went on a rampage.

Merlin, what was happening to them? When did all the lies and secrets start? Could they ever return to how it was before?

Sirius thought wistfully back to Lily and James' wedding. The way that Remus' breathy laugh had brushed past his ear as they danced and his amber eyes had caught in the light. He missed the way that Remus' hands would run over his shoulders when they lay in bed together and the contented little sighs he made when he was curled against Sirius' body.

"Where the fuck have you been going, Remus?" Sirius blurted out suddenly.

"What?" Remus asked as his eyes shot up to look at Sirius nervously.

"You heard," Sirius replied, storming over to the drinks cabinet to pour another glass.

"Do I need your permission to leave the flat?" Remus growled; the shadow of the wolf passed across his face.

"This is a war, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed and slammed his fist into the drinks cabinet. There was no sound except for the disgruntled tinkling of glasses and bottles wobbling under Sirius' blow.

"I can look after myself, you know!" Remus exclaimed.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT!" Sirius roared. Somewhere in his mind he noted that the sun had started to dip low on the horizon.

"Then what – oh..." Remus trailed off as realisation dawned on his face. Sirius cringed internally at the look of shock and pain painted clearly on Remus' face. "You think I'm the spy," Remus said as mildly as if he were commenting on the colour of the wallpaper.

"Remus... I..." Sirius began lamely.

"You think I'm the fucking spy?" Remus hissed. The pain in Remus' eyes was clouded by the anger of the wolf as moonrise drew closer. "Do you want to know where I've been going?" Remus exclaimed as he prowled towards Sirius.

Sirius felt a momentary stab of fear at the sight of Remus stalking towards him with a feral look in his almost glowing amber eyes.

"Uh... Yes actually I would," Sirius replied as he pulled himself up to his full height.

"I've been going to work!" Remus growled.

"But you're..."

"A werewolf? Yeah. And that's why the ONLY fucking thing I could get was gathering pond slime and flobberworm mucus for the apothecary. I WAS EMBARASSED!" Remus cried.

"Oh." Sirius felt shame surging around his body.

"But for the record, I've been sacked because apparently they were worried I might have a fit of lycanthropy and eat all the flobberworms or the apothecary staff or something!"

"Remus..."

"Don't bother," Remus growled and turned away. "Now I am going to go and turn into a raging beast with an insatiable bloodlust and you can just... just... go fuck yourself or something."

Sirius stood rooted to the spot as Remus stormed out of the flat and down to their cellar. He cringed as he heard the sound of Remus bolting himself in. Sirius leant his head back against the wall and hoped that the consequences of their argument weren't too detrimental to Remus.

o0o

Sirius sat on the sofa and tried to block out Remus' screams as he transformed. Every expression of Remus' agony ripped through Sirius' body like the cruciatus curse and reduced him to tears. If only he'd waited until tomorrow to confront Remus, then he could have been down there to try and ease the pain and stop the wolf from punishing his lover. The screaming morphed into a long and anguished howl.

And then the crashing and scratching and snarling started.

Wiping the worst of the tears from his face, Sirius stood and stumbled towards the stairs down to the cellar door. Standing a few meters away from the cellar door he hastily transformed into his familiar animagus form.

Padfoot, the black shaggy dog, trotted to the cellar door and sniffed along the gap at the bottom. He could smell Moony and hear the wolf's frustration and pain. Padfoot let out a long whine through the crack at the bottom of the door and heard Moony stop throwing himself at the walls.

Padfoot lay along the bottom of the door and pressed his nose as close to the other side of the door as possible. He heard Moony pad over and sniff along the door before he also lay down.

From where he lay, he could feel Moony's breath ruffling the fur of his face and after a time the two canines fell asleep.

o0o

Sirius awoke to the sound of Remus changing back and swiftly turned back himself. Anxiously, he charmed the door open and let down the wards. The door swung open and Sirius felt tears well up in his eyes at the pitiful sight of the man curled on the floor.

Remus was covered in scratches and bruises. His muscles still twitched from the strain of the transformation. Admittedly the injuries weren't as bad as they could have been but Sirius still felt solely responsible. Especially for the state of Remus' face. Remus had deep claw marks running diagonally across his face and Sirius knew that those scars would now be with him for the rest of his life.

"Let's get you into bed.  _Mobilicorpus_ ," Sirius muttered to the unconscious man and levitated him gently to the bedroom.

Remus woke up while Sirius was tending to his wounds. "Is it bad?" He asked hoarsely.

"You've had worse," Sirius replied.

"Mmph," Remus grunted as Sirius applied dittany to the cuts on his arms.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for suspecting you!" Sirius cried.

"S'okay, Padfoot," Remus murmured.

"No it's not," Sirius grumbled.

Remus motioned him closer and Sirius complied. "I forgive you," Remus said and planted a kiss on Sirius' lips. Sirius relished the contact.

Sirius helped Remus shuffle up the pillows.

"Now cheer up," Remus said. "It is Halloween, after all."

Sirius grinned in reply and went to make tea and breakfast. Remus was right, they were both safe and it was Halloween – there was no reason why they shouldn't make the best of it.

o0o

**_'Beautiful calm driving, emotional hiding_ **   
**_Effortlessly shining, beautiful calm driving.'_ **

o0o


	13. Lullaby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Here be lemons.

**_'Send a wish upon a star_ **   
**_Do the work and you'll go far_ **   
**_Send a wish upon a star_ **   
**_Make a map and there you are,'_ **

Sirius lay staring up at the ceiling listening to Remus' gentle snores. They'd slept the day away, Sirius waking up occasionally to check on Remus' wounds and get a glass of water. Dusk was upon them, casting the bedroom into a blue-grey cocoon shielding them from the world. Buried under the duvet and feeling the warmth radiate off Remus, Sirius could almost imagine that the war wasn't happening.

And yet atmosphere felt heavy, as though the world had taken a collective intake of breath. His stomach twisted anxiously.

"I can hear you worrying from here," Remus mumbled as he pushed himself into a sitting position painfully.

"Sorry," Sirius said.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked.

"I don't know... I just feel like something's wrong..."

"I know what you mean," Remus replied. "There hasn't been any news from the Order about Voldemort for a week now. It makes me wonder if he's planning something."

Remus' words hung in the air.

"Psh! He's always planning something!" Sirius exclaimed more nonchalantly than he felt.

"I know but..." Remus trailed off.

"What could we do about it anyway, Moony?" Sirius asked as he sat up. "Do you want a cup of tea?" He asked.

"Yes please!" Remus said, visibly brightening.

Sirius clattered around in the kitchen and hastily brewed the tea before returning to the bedroom and flopping down on the bed. "Do you ever wonder how we got here?" He asked Remus.

"What do you mean?" Remus replied, blowing over the steaming tea.

"Well it seems like only yesterday that you hit me in the face on the Hogwarts Express," Sirius said with a grin and lightly nudged Remus.

Remus laughed. "It feels like a totally different time though," He said soberly.

"I know, we were so young and innocent," Sirius said as he sipped at the tea.

"Padfoot, I don't think you've ever been innocent!" Remus said laughing.

"Moony! I'm wounded that you think so!" Sirius cried in mock offence before they fell against each other in peals of laughter.

**_'Send a hope upon a wave_ **   
**_A dying wish before the grave_ **   
**_Send a hope upon a wave_ **   
**_For all the souls you failed to save,'_ **

"What do you reckon Prongs and Lily are doing right now?" Sirius asked. They had moved from the bed to the sofa, the duvet and pillows piled around them as they lay against each other watching the spit and crackle of the flames in the hearth.

"Probably settling Harry down for the night," Remus replied, running a hand up and down Sirius' arm in lazy affection. "You really miss having James around, don't you?" He asked.

"Of course! It's strange after all that time at school, running around and getting into all sorts of trouble to then suddenly being split off from the rest of the group. I feel like we're running at half capacity." Sirius said with a shrug.

"Where is Wormtail these days anyway?" Remus asked.

"He's moved into some little flat," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Well, at least he isn't living with his parents anymore," Remus replied with a smile.

"I don't know..." Sirius murmured. "I mean, can you imagine Peter living alone? Think of all the trouble he could get into!"

"The boy has to learn sometime," Remus replied, lighting a cigarette.

"We sound like a pair of concerned parents," Sirius said laughing.

Remus laughed so hard that smoke came out his nose and elicited a hacking cough.

"Are you should be smoking this soon after a transformation?" Sirius asked, glancing up at Remus.

"Don't be silly Padfoot! I suffer from lycanthropy not asthma!" Remus said.

"Well I think it's best if you don't smoke," Sirius replied as he swiped the cigarette out from between Remus' lips and placed it in his own. Sirius took a long drag. "You see, that's better," He said with a grin.

"You cheeky mutt!" Remus said, laughing as he swatted Sirius and reached into his pocket for another cigarette.

Sirius leant his head against Remus' angular shoulder. "Are we okay?" He asked.

"Of course, why wouldn't we be?" Remus replied.

"After that argument last night... I just... I said some really awful stuff Moony," Sirius said with a sigh.

"Look, it's natural Sirius," Remus said as he exhaled a plume of smoke.

"What do you mean?"

"This is war, like you said. It's only natural that with so many people betraying their friends, we'll start expecting the worst in those closest to us," Remus said with a shrug.

"I'm still so sorry. I love you," Sirius said as he leant further into Remus' embrace.

"I love you too. We've just got to hang onto that," Remus replied whilst stroking Sirius' hair gently. "After my run in with Greyback you told me that if I let go of all this then I was letting him win. And you were right. It's at times like these that we need to keep our friends and the Order close."

"Yeah, but there's a traitor in the Order," Sirius mumbled.

"Yes, there might be. But I honestly believe that I can trust you, Prongs, Lily, and Wormtail. I always have," Remus said as he stubbed out his cigarette.

"Thank you Remus," Sirius said.

"What for?" Remus asked.

"So many things," Sirius replied with a sigh, before settling back into Remus' arms and watching the fire burn down to embers.

_**'And you stood tall** _   
_**Now you will fall** _   
_**Don't break the spell** _   
_**Of a life spent trying to do well** _   
_**And you stood tall** _   
_**Now you will fall** _   
_**Don't break the spell** _   
_**Of a life spent trying to do well.'** _

Sometimes when Remus kissed him, Sirius felt like he was flying. The dizzy feeling that was like vertigo constantly reminded him how damn lucky he was to have Remus running his hands through his black hair and pressing his body close. The little leaps of his stomach as Remus pushed him into the mattress and ground his hard body into his sent feelings of love and desire racing through his body so quickly that it made him lose his breath.

Sirius could feel the lines of Remus' scars and healing wounds as their lips bruised one another and their tongues tangled. Remus moaned as Sirius lifted his hips to grind against him. Breaking off the kiss Sirius trailed his lips across Remus' jaw and whispered breathily into his ear. "I want you inside me."

"You sure?" Remus panted in reply rubbing against Sirius desperately.

Sirius grinned and shuffled out of his boxers in response.

He watched as Remus divested himself of his clothing and knelt before him breathing heavily as his amber eyes roamed over Sirius' chest and focused on his hardness. As suddenly as the shadow of the wolf flickering in his eyes, Remus was trailing his lips down Sirius' chest, nibbling at his nipples and running his hands over his narrow hips.

"Oh Merlin!" Sirius exclaimed as Remus nipped between his thighs. "Stop. Teasing. Me." Sirius groaned and tried to thrust his hips towards Remus but the werewolf's hand was holding him flat against the bed.

And then the most mind-blowing sensation as Remus wrapped his lips around the tip of Sirius' hardness. Sirius gasped at the wet heat of Remus' mouth and watched his partner bob his head up and down. The vibration of Remus' moan down his shaft nearly sent him over the edge before Remus pulled away to bring his lips crashing back against Sirius'. Their panting filled the darkened bedroom as Remus fumbled and lined himself up with Sirius.

The sensations as Remus pushed inside him took his breath away. He lifted his hips against Remus' sensual thrusts, shuddering and wrapping his legs around his hips to draw him deeper. Sirius watched as Remus' eyes fluttered shut in pleasure as he thrust faster.

Between his moans and gasps of pleasure Sirius let his eyes rove over Remus' body memorising every scar and ripple of muscle. When Remus' breathing became ragged he wrapped his hand around Sirius' shaft and sent them both spinning into a blissful abyss.

Sirius grinned and snuggled close into Remus' chest after they had disentangled themselves from one another. As they caught their breath he listened to the thudding of Remus' heart and just let himself become absorbed in the moment.

Lying in Remus' embrace with his lover's hands running over his shoulders Sirius felt, for the first time in a long while, that everything was fine.

**_'Send a question in the wind_ **   
**_It's hard to know where to begin_ **   
**_So send the question in the wind_ **   
**_And give an answer to a friend.'_ **

Sirius left Remus sleeping as he pulled on some pyjamas and crept into the living room. With a flick of his wand he relit the fire in the hearth to drive away the cold and checked the time. The clock read 10.30pm.

He frowned as he opened a butterbeer and lit a cigarette. Peter had said that he'd touch base with Sirius at 10pm to let him know that the Potters were safe. Sirius shrugged and flopped onto the sofa, Peter had probably tried to contact him whilst he was making up with Remus. Sirius grinned at the memory and glanced over the sofa at Remus who was still snoring softly in bed.

Sirius grabbed some floo powder off the mantelpiece and threw it into the fire. The flames flared green and he stubbed his cigarette out in an overflowing ashtray. His knees popped as he knelt in front of the fireplace. He was getting old. He laughed to himself; Sirius Black would never get old!

The flames tickled his face as he peered into Peter's shabby living room. All he could see was a pair of slippers at the foot of a ratty old sofa. It was odd, Peter very rarely left his house. Perhaps he was in the kitchen.

"Oi! Pete!" The fire hissed around his ears.

"Wormtail?" The logs crackled and spat slightly, the floo powder would run out soon.

"Come here, you poxy little rat!" Sirius shouted in irritation before pulling his face out the fire just in time. He felt the heat of the fire flare in front of his face as he sat back onto the floor of the living room.

Sirius' stomach churned nervously. What if something had happened? He shook his head slightly and took a swig of the butterbeer, he was being ridiculous. Peter was probably halfway to a muggle takeaway right know, or asleep already. Or bashing one out, Sirius thought with a grimace at the mental image.

He'd go and check anyway, just for his own peace of mind. He wasn't really worried. Not really...

Well maybe a bit.

But he'd feel stupid when he turned up and found Wormtail stuffing his face with chicken Chow Mein.

**_'Place your past into a book_ **   
**_Put in everything you ever took_ **   
**_Place your past into a book_ **   
**_Burn the pages let them cook.'_ **

"Remus?" Sirius said as he stood over the sleeping werewolf. It felt wrong to wake him; Remus always looked so peaceful when he slept. "Remus?" He repeated.

"Mmph?" Remus replied opening one eye at him.

"I'm going to check on Wormtail," He said, brushing a lock of sandy hair off Remus' forehead.

"Why?" Remus asked, waking up suddenly and sitting up slightly.

"Don't worry! It's nothing serious," Sirius replied with a smile. I'm just going to see how he's doing and give our Halloween greetings. He must be lonely on his own," Sirius lied.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Remus mumbled as he settled himself back against the pillows.

"Nah," Sirius said, stroking Remus' cheek. "Get some rest," He said.

"Okay," Remus mumbled.

Sirius pressed a lingering kiss to Remus' lips. "I love you," He said.

"I love you too," Remus said while yawning.

Sirius started walking out the bedroom. "Don't be long!" Remus called sleepily after him.

"I'll be back in two shakes of a wolf's tail, Moony." Sirius grabbed his cloak and with one last glance at an already snoring Remus, closed the flat door behind him and walked out into the night.

**_'And you stood tall_ **   
**_Now you will fall_ **   
**_Don't break the spell_ **   
**_Of a life spent trying to do well_ **   
**_And you stood tall_ **   
**_Now you will fall_ **   
**_Don't break the spell_ **   
**_Of a life spent trying to do well.'_ **

Peter's flat was locked and the lights were off. Sirius frowned and unlocked the door with a quick " _alohamora_ ".

The silence was pounding against his ears and sending his heart thudding. There was no sign of the animagus anywhere in the flat.

The only logical explanation was that Peter had gone to Godric's Hollow. Sirius would wait for him in the area where he thought the Potter's house might be.  _Damn fidelius_   _charm_ , Sirius thought as he rushed out into the darkness and apparated.

Sirius pulled his cloak around him as he started to wonder around Godric's Hollow. Something was burning but it was probably just some kids letting off fireworks somewhere. The sky was clear and Sirius looked up for Halloween fireworks that would surely be going off any moment.

It floated like a corpse in water. Green and translucent, wavering in the air.

The dark mark.

Bile rose in his throat as he ran, stumbling blindly towards the source of that vile sign. Foreboding gripped his heart with icy fingers and sweat broke out on his forehead as he turned the corner.

"No, no, no, no..." he muttered in a mantra as he saw the house.

The Potter's little cottage had most of the top floor blown away and there was a terrible silence. James... Lily... _Harry_.  _Oh fuck_! Sirius thought as he vomited noisily into a bush. All the pieces were coming together in his mind. The traitor. All that inside knowledge. The Marauders...

 _I trusted him_.

Sirius whipped his wand out and spun around as a shadow loomed over him. "Terrible. S'all so terrible," a great booming voice wept.

"Hagrid?" Sirius choked out, lowering his wand slightly. The hairy half-giant stepped into Sirius' vision. "James and Lily – are they...?" He couldn't bring himself to ask.

"Dead!" Hagrid wailed, crying noisily into a large handkerchief.

The floor tipped and Sirius fell to his knees as his vision swam with tears. He'd failed to protect his best friend, it was his fault that even their little boy had been blasted to pieces by...

"Voldemort," Sirius growled.

"Dead! Gone! Dumbledore's baffled," Hagrid said with a sniff.

"What?" Had James managed to take down the bastard before dying.

A thin wail filled the air and turned into a cry. "Is that - ?" Sirius turned and looked more carefully at the handkerchief that Hagrid held.

In the giant man's arms lay a squirming, red faced child with bottle green eyes. "Harry! How?" He asked sweeping Harry from Hagrid's arms and holding the child in his own. Somehow he felt better with his godson cradled close, it was like a little piece of his friends still in the world. He noticed the thin scar on Harry's forehead.

"The killin' curse," Hagrid said. "Dumbledore says that somehow when You-Know-Who cast the killin' curse it rebounded off 'Arry and destroyed 'im."

Sirius stared down in amazement at Harry Potter and the lightning shaped scar on his forehead. Harry had quietened and was now sucking contentedly on Sirius' little finger. "Dumbledore sent me ter bring 'im the poor lil' thing. Grea' man is Dumbledore," Hagrid said with a sniff.

"T-take my bike, Hagrid," Sirius said. "It's in James and Lily's –" His throat tightened painfully. "It's in the house's garage."

"Fanks," Hagrid said before bursting into tears again.

"S'alright, I'm going to find the person who betrayed them," Sirius said as Hagrid sniffed and went to find the flying motorbike.

Sirius looked down at Harry who was staring up at him with those great big eyes of Lily's. "It'll be okay, Harry. When I've got that little rat I'll come back for you and I'll make sure that no one ever hurts you again." With one last look at his godson, Sirius handed Harry over to Hagrid who started up the motorbike and took off into the night with a roar.

Sirius watched their silhouette against the dark mark as they flew away to safety. He stared long after Hagrid had disappeared into the distance.

Finally, he turned his attention to the task at hand and half-mad with grief Sirius apparated away.

**_'Send a wish upon a star...'_ **

Remus wandered out into the living room and checked the time. Sirius had been gone for nearly three hours.

Something was very wrong.

Remus dressed quickly, throwing a cloak over his shoulders.

He lit a cigarette and opened the flat door.

The cigarette fell from his lips when he came face to face with a grim face Alastor Moody.

"Lupin," He growled. "Perhaps you should sit down..."

**_'Send a wish upon a star,'_ **

"PETER! YOU LITTLE WANKER! YOU PITIFUL LITTLE SHIT!" Sirius roared as he raced towards Peter Pettigrew and pinned him against a brick wall. "Why the fuck did you do it Peter?" Sirius hissed. "Why the fuck did you do it? THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS!" He shouted into the little man's face.

"Oh Sirius, so predictable," Peter simply said with a sickening little smile as he whipped out his wand and concealed it carefully.

In his anger Sirius had forgotten to hold his wand to Pettigrew's throat. He fumbled to grasp it from the pocket in his robes.

"D-d-d-don't do it, S-Sirius!" Peter wailed with a diabolical glint in his eyes.

Suddenly the road exploded. Sirius fell to the floor and blinked against the roar of the explosion in his ears.

When he looked for Pettigrew, all he found was a severed finger and a flash of a rat's tail disappearing down a drain.

Muggle bodies littered the street amongst the wreckage Peter had caused. Who would have ever expected poor little Peter Pettrigrew? The fat little boy who couldn't even transfigure a hedgehog into a pincushion.

Sirius was dimly aware of hands rough hands grabbing at him and aurors shouting into his face. As they dragged him away from the wreckage hysterical laughter bubbled from his lips. It was like a nightmare, a bad dream. Perhaps he would wake up on the Hogwarts Express dreaming about his unrequited love for the sandy haired boy sat opposite him.

He barely felt the hands of his captors as they dragged him away, instead he fell into memories.

_Sirius blinked and stared at Remus for a second before his bemused expression split into a grin. He clapped a hand on Remus' shoulder affectionately. "Good summer?" He asked._

_Remus shrugged. "Alright. Pretty uneventful. It's good to see you again, Sirius," Remus said, his mouth curving into a shy smile._

_"You too," Sirius replied._

_"Gay…" James' voice interrupted. Remus turned around and hit James round the back of the head with the book his was holding._

_"This coming from the guy who spends half an hour arranging his hair in the morning," Sirius said, smirking at James._

_"I don't! It looks like this when I get up!" James exclaimed indignantly, tousling his hair._

_They had been so young..._

_Sirius was starting to feel lightheaded but he couldn't stop. How could he stop when Remus was kissing him back so thoroughly? He felt Remus' teeth nipping at his lower lip and he couldn't help letting a moan escape from his mouth... Thwack. Sirius saw a white hot pain behind his eyes as he collapsed onto the carriage seat. He lifted his hand to his face and felt the already swelling eye. "You – you punched me!" Sirius practically whispered in disbelief._

Sirius' laughs turned into sobs at the thought of Remus.

 _I love you_... he could hear Remus whispering it in his ear as they lay in bed.

Sirius' mind was filled with thoughts of Remus as they dragged him into a cell to await questioning. He curled up against the cold cell wall and wept.

Dawn was breaking.

Unbeknownst to Sirius, at that very moment, people met in secret all over the country to hold up their glasses and say in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter — the boy who lived!"*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading - leave me a review, I love to hear what you guys think. 
> 
> *Disclaimer: The last line of this fic is lifted from JK Rowling's Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, ch1 page 11.


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